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Nov 23
poem 4 comments
infinitelyinfinite3

Broken-A companion to Pieces

This one's for you, Treblemaker. I basically made it as an explanation for why the main character's mother died. You can take it the way you want to, but I think it has a couple of clues. Tell me how it is! I hope it isn't too awful. 
-----------------------

Long sips of red wine
held between elegant fingers 
The scent of blood lingers 
A flashing warning sign
Blue eyes, black hair
Terrified swallows
My chest hollows
Breath wafting in the air
Toes curl, lights dim
Sweat glistens
The silence listens
A goblet filled up silver to the brim
A gasp of breath
My body shakes
One last glimpse of past mistakes
It looms, death
I bring the glass to my lips
They round the edge in a featherlight kiss
For a moment, all is bliss
Then death's hands clutch my hips
My lifeline snaps
Eyes roll back
Legs go slack
As she watches our world collapse 
 
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Posted: 11.23.20
About the Author: infinitelyinfinite3
Brown person, LGBTQIA+ member, overthinker, and book and music lover. I am not afraid of the Oxford comma. You shouldn't be, either.
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RECENT COMMENTS
  • Lovely.
  • Oh, wow. Thank you so very
  • Awwww. You’re so niiiice. ;)
  • Oh, god. I was so nervous.
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Discussion

Comments

  1. Treblemaker
    Nov 23, 2020

    *applauds* there is no awful in poetry! Wow what a vivid image of this characters last moments and great sensory details! loved the lines 'a gasp of breath/ my body shakes/ one last glimpse of past mistakes' and the line with 'featherlight flight' chilling and honestly very intriguing and pretty, all in one :)

    I write because the music of language spoke to me in books and I wanted to make a beautiful noise to answer back ~ Lee Williams.

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  1. infinitelyinfinite3
    Nov 24, 2020

    Oh, god. I was so nervous. Thank you! You’re a great friend.

    Brown person, LGBTQIA+ member, overthinker, and book and music lover.
    I am not afraid of the Oxford comma. You shouldn't be, either.

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  1. Moonsand
    Nov 28, 2020

    *applauds*
    *applauds some more*
    *applauds a bit more*
    wonderful! agreed, Treblemaker, there’s no awful in poetry! it’s your own style and expression! the vivid imagery you painted here is positively stunning!
    the hinted rhyming is clever and adds to the tension in this piece. well done!
    *claps some more*

    “I can’t just say ‘cheer up’ no matter what. But in the midst of all that difficulty, try to find that small happiness.”
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  1. infinitelyinfinite3
    Nov 29, 2020

    Awwww. You’re so niiiice. ;)

    Brown person, LGBTQIA+ member, overthinker, and book and music lover.
    I am not afraid of the Oxford comma. You shouldn't be, either.

    • Log in or register to post comments
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