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Aug 10
rant

Nothing serious just writing my feelings down

My dad moved out and well I'm pretty sure he's not moving back in and at this point I want my parents to get divorced I don't even care anymore, I'm FINALLY getting rid of my toxic friends which feels awesome, Finding more out about myself every now and then, Im tired of everything, I found a few true friends, middle school sucks, brother is going to college, I'm not really happy but I can't tell my mom because she already has a lot going on and I don't want to add to that besides I'm not really open with my feelings so this is hard for me, I tried asking for a therapist but all I did was cry and I couldn't get a word out, found out I'm pansexual so.., I had a panic attack in the middle of a store cuz of my social anxiety, got anime merch :), I hate everything except my friends, sleep, anime, and food. I wanna do volleyball but people are pressuring me to do track because of my "long legs". I can't show my feelings to my friends because they're going through a lot too and I need to make sure they're happy even if I'm not. And that's me trying to find myself in this mess. Sorry just had to rant.
Posted: 08.10.21
About the Author: CrystalWaters
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  1. Aug 10, 2021

    Hi :) I'm sorry you have to go through all this, it really sucks. My parents aren't divorced, so I'm not really sure how to give advice on that note. All I can say is—tell your parents how you feel. It's okay to let the people you love know that you're not doing so well, even if you feel like it'll hurt them more than help you. They love and care about you and want to make sure that you're happy. And, if you do tell your mom about what you're feeling, definitely ask for a therapist. I know it's hard to ask for something when the other person is also going through a lot, but therapy REALLY helps. And I think it's great that you wrote this. It's not good to keep all these feelings bottled up inside. Keep on writing, too—it'll help a lot (at least it did for me when I went through something hard). It doesn't have to be great writing, just get it out. Thank you for sharing, and I really really hope things start to get better. Sorry for the long comment :)

  1. Aug 10, 2021

    It must be so difficult to experience this all. But believe in yourself, you can do it! You're a great artist and writer and likely a thousand other things. Try to talk to your parents again. Please, you mustn't feel like you have to restrict your words, they're impossibly valuable and important and we all are here to listen, including your family and friends, I'm sure. I'll reiterate what you know- do what makes you smile.
    It's wonderful that you are pruning away unneeded relations. Keep on freeing your true self!
    (Also, you're such an admirable person. I'm terrible at volleyball.)

  1. Aug 10, 2021

    Lately I've been going through a lot as well. These last few weeks have been especially tense because of some family issues, and I just wish things could go back to what they were. And then there's the pressure of doing good on the SAT (due 17 days from now), and if I don't get a good score I won't be able to go to the college all my friends will be attending. And then there's this college class which is colluding with all of this and school and I'm like, what do I do?!

    I have learned that to cope with these challenges, I have to set short- and long- term life goals for myself. For one, I want to become a poet in the future so one of my short term goals is that I share a poem on YWP at least once a month to maintain my writing tempo.

    If you want to find meaning in your day, set goals, like calling your grandmother and talking to her and saying I love you. And above all, make sure you do what YOU want to do and not be bossed by anyone but yourself.

    no way a male poet?! yes way

  1. Aug 10, 2021

    Amazing advice. I've also learned that setting goals is incredibly helpful for keeping everything grounded. Good luck on the SAT! Did you know they added an experimental 5th section? It took me completely by surprise.

  1. Aug 11, 2021

    Thank you all so much for your advice, I have talked to my mother about wanting a therapist and not wanting to do track and that I want to do volleyball instead. My dad is probably just finding out about this and I know he's gonna message me, I don't wanna talk to him but I guess it is kinda serious. My brother and I finally sat down and talked after he found out about the therapist, my best friend finally came back from her month long trip and we celebrated her birthday. And I finally talked to my old toxic friends even though I hated it, I let them know I didn't wanna be there so they left us alone (thank goodness) and yeah that's it so far..

  1. Aug 12, 2021

    hello :)
    first off, i'm so sorry about all of this and thank you for putting this rant here. i totally relate with all of this, and i understand. i really do. life isn't wonderful right now for me either, but i just try to keep my head held high and keep walking forward and i want you to do the same. life might be a pain in the ass right now, but people do love and care about you in this world.
    second, you can always talk to anyone. send me a message if you need to rant about anything, and i'll always listen. talk to your parents or a school therapist. it's scary, but you'll feel better after a rant to someone who will understand it.
    third, pansexuals unite!!!!!!!!<3
    hang in there, my friend. i'm always here to talk.

  1. Aug 13, 2021

    Thank you so much! <3