Home
Young Writers Project

Search form

  • Login
  • DONATE
  • CREATE
    • RECENT POSTS
    • THE DAILY READ
  • COMMUNITY
    • TINY WRITES
    • BOOK CLUB
    • YWP PODCAST: Line Break
  • CHALLENGES
    • SUMMER OF STORIES: Challenges
    • SUMMER OF STORIES: Contest
    • JOURNALISM CHALLENGES
      • Journalism Project Info
    • THE GREAT POETS CHALLENGE
    • CHALLENGES BANK
    • YWP RESOURCES
  • PUBLICATIONS
    • ANTHOLOGY 12
      • Celebrate Anthology 12 Podcast!
    • THE VOICE
    • SPECIAL ISSUES: The ELM 2021-22
      • The ELM 2020-21
      • The ELM 2019-20
    • MEDIA PARTNERS
    • YWP NEWSLETTER
    • ANNUAL REPORT
  • ABOUT
    • ABOUT YWP
    • "YWP is ..." Who we are!
    • PERMISSION FORM
    • TERMS & CONDITIONS OF USE
    • CONTACT US
  • Donate
  • LOG IN/JOIN
Previous Post
Next Post
Apr 25
essay
Geri

My mind: an internal predicament

I sometimes wish I could turn off my brain. Everything I hear, do, or say has to be turned into semantics for my own imagination. I am never out of control, only trying to live in the moment. I wish I could master the concept that George Orwell identifies in his novel 1984: “consciously to induce unconsciousness, and then, once again, to become unconscious of the act of hypnosis you just performed.” (Orwell, 1984, pg. 34)

I want to turn off my mind and forget it was ever turned on in the first place, in order to trick myself into believing I am the spontaneous girl I try to be. However, I feel that that would be impossible. My mind is too alive to ever willingly change to a state of dull stupidity unless acted upon by an external force. It is my strongest asset and one of my strongest weaknesses. I can’t partake in the careless enjoyment of life like my siblings or friends, because even while in a state of submission I am constantly aware of the submission itself. My emotions and actions are merely more semiotics for my mind to dissect from a sort of mental viewing screen.

Even as I write this I am partially aware of the craziness of my writing and the intensity of my thoughts. I can’t take anything at surface value. I have to go beyond. No song, word, painting, or poem can I just admire without gleaning some meaning from. I cannot pray without questioning the validity and sincerity of the prayers themselves. When I’m happy, I’m also in awe of the happiness itself. While this trait gives me an edge, a level of sophistication and intelligence that succeeds my peers and neighbors, I repeatedly wish I could bounce around with sheer stupidity. Just doing things for the sake of doing things and living for the sake of living.     

*Partially inspired by the novel 1984 by George Orwell. For more information on the concept of unconsciousness mentioned, review pg. 34, 1984, by George Orwell.                                                   
  • Geri's blog
  • Sprout
  • Log in or register to post comments
  • Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Posted: 04.25.21
About the Author: Geri
MSG / CONTACT
RECENT LOVES
  • believe
  • Beneath my fingers
  • My son and baby birds
  • Happy Place
  • Cloud medicine
RECENT COMMENTS
  • Thank you so much!! I'm happy
  • I really like this. I relate
  • Your poems are always so
  • Was this taken during fire
  • I love the line "Twining

Other Posts

  • Revelation/Revitalization
    And it was at that time…poetry arrived. Or rather, I fell into it.  Read more
    in poem 2 Comments
  • If I Was to Travel Back in Time
    I’d see a few things: The sweet girl my father claims I used to be.  Read more
    in poem, nonfiction 0 Comments
  • My Head Underground
    Is it wrong for me to ask so much of the world? To ask it to be happy, healthy, and kind? Read more
    in nonfiction 0 Comments

Discussion

Comments

  1. gg
    Apr 20, 2022

    They say that good writers are good critical thinkers. I think all writers share your dilemma--a mind that constantly observes, analyzes, notices.

    You are right that it is both a gift and a curse. But know that you are not alone and you will learn, I promise, on how to direct that aspect of your thinking in ways that take you to new creative levels.

    Thanks for posting this. A thoughtful piece that made me think.

    gg

    Writer. YWP founder. Current work: https://geoffreygevalt.com/hiramfalls
    • Log in or register to post comments
  1. Geri
    Apr 21, 2022

    Thank you! I'm glad I'm not alone in this feeling

    • Log in or register to post comments
  1. gg
    Apr 21, 2022

    thanks for responding. Be well.

    Writer. YWP founder. Current work: https://geoffreygevalt.com/hiramfalls
    • Log in or register to post comments
  • ABOUT
  • DONATE
  • PUBLICATIONS
  • SUBSCRIBE TO NEWSLETTER
  • JOIN/LOGIN
YWP is a creative, online community of teen writers and visual artists, ages 13-18. We're based in Burlington, VT, and we welcome young creators from anywhere!
Special thanks to The Kemmerer Family Foundation whose generous support made this new, improved website possible.
Website development and design by Refaktor Inc., Summit Creative Works, and YWP's Vivien Sorce, Lauren McCabe, Katherine Moran, and Susan Reid.

Young Writers Project | 47 Maple St., Suite 216 | Burlington, VT 05401
501(c)(3) nonprofit established in 2006
Contact: Susan Reid, Executive Director: [email protected]; (802) 324-9538