Everyone loves her. She’s beautiful and smart. Not very kind, as she is caught up in the world that is the popular. She sits effortlessly, maybe not even knowing that everyone loves her, worships her, wishes they were her with every single ounce of their bodies. She exudes confidence, even just sitting there reading. Her popularity never falters, no one ever questions the fact that she is Queen Bee. Even without mounds and mounds of friends surrounding her she still sits without a doubt in her world. He, he craves her. Wants her. It should be like this, the Queen Bee and her king, but he’s in pain, and it’s not because of his love for her. It’s because of his knowing that he will never have her. She is with someone that will never want her as much as he wants her. Will never love her as he loves her. So he is pained. He has learned to savor every moment with her as if it is the last drop of honey. You can sense the pain in his eyes, the pain of love and lost love and things that he can only imagine.
- Sydney_Kulis's blog
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Apr 11, 2017
Hey Sydney, that was one of the quickest leaps from account approval to writing that I've ever seen. Bravo! Welcome to Young Writers Project! Your descriptions of the Queen Bee and the young man's longing for that elusive creature capture her disregard and his pain. My only suggestion would be to conclude a little earlier -- maybe after imagine in this phrase: the pain of love and lost love and things that he can only imagine. Tighter is usually better. And that's what revisions are for -- to tighten and make sure every word is doing its job. Great work! Keep writing!