Dearest Memory Foam Mattress,

I hope you know how much
I admire and love you. You
keep me comfortable when I
dream the dreams I won’t
remember at all when I wake
up the next morning

and

I know that sometimes it
may not seem so, but I
appreciate you with all
of my heart. When I return
from a trip, your presence
is ubiquitous in my mind &
all I would like is to lie
down in my own bed,
with my own wonderful,
soft mattress.

I love you.

Your sleepy dreamer,
CD
 

When we were children

We wanted to grow up to be

Princesses

And superheroes.

But as we grew older

Your dreams grew more complicated

And mine grew simple and insignificant.

By age ten

You wanted to be the first female president.

I wanted to be eleven years old.

When we were fourteen,

You wanted to find the lost city of Atlantis.

I wanted to see the day I turned fifteen.

Although these seemed to you silly,

They seemed to me anything but.

When we were fifteen,

You were taking your first classes at the highschool.

I was taking my first DBT groups at a psych ward.

Not because I was crazy

I was never crazy.

Just trying to find a way to cure the sadness.

Just trying to find my way back.

Just trying to get rid of the pain.

I never told you

My skin yearns for the sideways kiss
Of morning sun for
Lake droplets lifted
Off my skin by balmy,
Dandelion air.

And my laughter
Waits for dock picnics
Green mountain tops
And crowded swimming pools. 

Nose searching for
Watermelon slices
Garden herbs
Almost tasting
Backyard barbeque.
I await summer's joyous greeting.

But when it comes,
I will reminisce over  
Red-tipped noses  
Too rich hot chocolate
Cross country skis
And silver flurries. 

Wait for crisp air
Warm socks and sweaters
For soup and fireplaces. 
So is the seasons' curse.

Don't wait for summer
For snow
For red leaves 
Or flowers sprouting.

Venture out and discover
The unique season
That is today. 
 

My best friend needed a place to live,
so as if they were a lost puppy,
i asked my parents if we could keep them.
and my parents signed the papers.

then they used my outstretched arms like rubber bands--
twisted, tied, and shot them back at my face.

I watched my household go from a four to seven person home,
we turned four bedrooms into six,
and for my entire high school career i almost never had my own,
it always seemed like my parents had a revolving door,
but somehow it got slammed far too many times to count.

My mother taught me how to take care of everybody.
I learned random acts of kindness, and empathy,
I remembered to keep extra of anything in my bag: tissues, granola bars, ibuprofen, hugs, forgiveness.

Forgiveness and some more forgiveness.

For as far as my memory reaches back i had been led to believe that my purpose on this damned planet was to serve others,

If I didn't wake up
My parents would tell the hospital
She is stuck in the place where the lost things are
Floating on wings that she always wanted
And dancing underneath the moonlight.
If you need her
Look between the pages of worn books 
And in the shadows of the apple tree.
Search in the seashells for the lilting melody of her voice
And follow her footprints in the faded sand.
They would tell the world not to worry
That I am just behind the corner next to the ice cream shop
My lips matching the shade of my strawberry ice cream cone.
People would send flowers 
And my parents would take the petels of one by one and scatter them in my hair
Until only thin stems remained 
Blown out the window by the autumn breeze.

If I didn't wake up
The nurses would whisper about how I was dead
But my parents would laugh
And tell them to look at my old sketchbooks

Pollution its a dreadful thing

When I hear it, my ears ring

Animals are sick

And dying

Just image hearing a little bear crying

Cry for help
Its trapped in a plastic bottle

A poor little duck trying to waddle

Trying to live

Trying to survive

These cute little babies don’t deserve to die
258 million tons of trash in 2014

Just imagine how much now

That hole in the ground

Filling up

Up

Up

Up and away

Ruining our earth today
For all of the problems we have

And then you feel bad

For the thing you did yesterday

That little gum wrapper floats through the air

And you drive away like you don’t care

But you do  

You made a mistake

It makes your heart ache

And now every Green-up Day I’m out there

If I was a poem 
I would be ...

A slam poetry punch 
that cuts across people's skin
and digs into their souls. 

I would be written on the pages 
of a worn notebook, 
used so much that 
it's almost falling apart. 

I would be written by someone 
forced silent, 
spilling their heart onto their empty 
pages. 

If I was a poem, 
I would burn bright like a flame, 
lighting a fire in people's minds,
getting rid of that 
ugly, ugly, dark. 

If I was a poem, 
the handwriting would be messy, 
sprawling across the page 
in anger and grief and joy. 

I wish I was a poem,
I wish I was simply the result 
of a thought that
turned into so much more.

I wish I was the outpouring of a heart, 
the torrential rains of emotion bringing 
me into life just to rip the 
cloth that was restricting people from speaking. 

A new year of opportunity on the horizon.
2019.
The world has waited for this year for a long time.
The last year in the score that took away the towers
And brought a sharpness to the world.
Many will wait as the hours 
Turn into minutes and the minutes 
Turn into seconds and the seconds 
Turn into confetti and sparkles illuminate the darkness.
For some,
This year brings sorrow and weight of life.
For some
Happiness will blossom and hopes will flourish.
I wish that you have a year of life 
And the realization that you can burn bright like a star if you choose to.
I hope we all try to make this world a little better.
Happy 2019.