My Old Jewish Joke That Goes Nowhere

Three wisened old men are walking down the aisle of an old-fashioned locomotive
Picture it
Rich polished wood benches with worn green carpets adorning scuffed black soles
The smell of cigar smoke and heavy shoulders mixing with the mourning songs of the whistle
The first man takes a left into a small booth
Sweet and low, steady orange chandeliers light every cabin but in this booth
One bulb is broken, one bulb is out
And one bulb is flickering "help me" in morse code
The other two men follow quietly through the doorway
Ducking under the solemn weight of a forgotten place once made for memories
They sit in muffled silence for a very,
Very long time
The first one clears his throat to speak and out fly fifteen bats, a few cobwebs, and a tea packet from 1922
"I have the saddest job in the world"
He says
"Do you want to hear about the saddest job in the world?"
The other two nod their heads in unison and each remembers if he brought a tissue
"Every morning before the sun rises I get woken up by a family of squirrels in the midst of a custody battle
I roll over to kiss my wife and remember I don't have one
My uniform is a bucket and a net
Each day I am sent to a different paradise 
I'm paid to find
and drown the prettiest butterflies 
They're turned into coats for oil tycoons."
All of the men sit in a foggy silence with their hats on their knees and their eyes on their shoes
A crow's mourning cry fills up the air
Echoing like the wingbeats of damp monarchs
"That is terrible
Says the second man, already weary
"But I have the saddest job in the world
Every day I am sent to a different crumbling orphanage
And I recruit the ugliest children
The ones who will never stop being orphans
To work in a coal mine for stale bread scraps and worn copies of misprinted dictionaries"
None of the men speak for a long time after that
A disembodied voice howls the name of a train stop and the third man ties his scarf swiftly around his neck
Picks up his hat and crooks it on his head like a black and white detective
When he talks it is with the voice-box of a prince turned into a frog
For a princess fond of foie gras
"I have the saddest job in the world
Each day I get on train cars
And I listen to stories of men like you"

 

ZoeBee

VT

18 years old

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