An Unbreakable Cycle

I need to start studying for tomorrow’s quiz.

I care about my grades. 

But I’m kind of hungry.

So I munch on chips,

My study guide collecting dust on my desk.
There’s a big project due in a few hours.

It stretches out before me like a battlefield riddled with mines. 

A thought occurs: I’ve never seen my house on google maps.

So I play with google maps instead.

I can always do the project in the early hours of the dawn. 
The most important test for this marking period is coming up

I won’t hold it off this time

But I’ve never learned how to draw a proper rose 

So I draw instead

It’s 11:00 pm and I haven’t glanced at my notes.

I stay up all night studying.

I scrape by with a A- 
My eyes burn from staring at the screen

My head aches, my eyes finally drained of tears.

The deadline ticks closer like a demented clock. 

But I still don’t stop flipping through those Minecraft articles, 

because I somehow always get everything done
I haven’t talked to my Aunt a few weeks 

I should call her.

I know she misses me. 

I’ll call her after I finish up this project.
I’ve been working for five hours straight.

I’m so tired.

I can always call her tomorrow.

I really will this time.

I really will. 
My best friend is toxic

But I don’t know how to end things.

I’ll just figure it out tomorrow,

And endure her hurtful words for another day.
I should really work on fixing my health.

Eating better, exercising.

But that would take a lot of time.

I’ll work on it when summer starts.

Except summer started three weeks ago.
This cycle goes deep.

They call it a simple case of procrastination.

But it feels much worse.  

It feels like it’s drowning me.

I can’t sleep, work is piling up.

I’m suffocating. 

But I'll just fix it later.

I promise.

 

Chloe McMillan

NJ

18 years old