Why Can't I Wonder

     There have been many instances in which one faces trouble, and many try to avoid it. However, there is one person who never dodges a question, who never gets herself out of an event. Mimms, a woman who doesn’t believe in “shy” or “timid” or “afraid”. And, one lovely evening, with rain pouring and a slice of moon watching the world, she thinks to herself, Yes, I confront many things, but wouldn’t it be nice just to wonder, for once? 
     Mimms looks to the moon and stares at the tiny sliver of glittering light. A woman appears to her left, following her gaze and whispering, “How does such a small thing become something to a world this wide? How is it so little, yet so known, so important?” These questions sweep through Mimms’ mind, almost making their way through her head completely to be left unanswered. But, at the very last moment, Mimms speaks up.
     “Hm, a thing many might ponder. I believe it is because-”
     “Can’t I say one thing without you letting a word from your mouth?” The lady sighs, frustrated, and marches away. 
     If only I could keep my mouth closed, Mimms thinks regrettably, if only I could wonder. Why can’t I just wonder, for once?
    Mimms continues down the street, humming and listening to the slight tapping of her heels against the pavement. The steady rhythm comforts her, but then she lets out a gasp of fright. New thoughts consume her, causing her to forget about the moon, causing her to forget about any answers. Why are my steps so perfect, so in line? Why must I feel so sure about everything? My words, my walk? Why can’t I just wonder, for once?
    Mimms slips off her heels and slides the straps around her wrist. They make no more sound as she listens only to the chill of air running in and out of her lips. Her words have been quieted, and her steady rhythm has disappeared. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to wonder now.
    Mimms comes to a small garden, with a cobblestone walkway and pine trees lining groups of wooden benches. This is her favorite spot, where she likes to sit and admire the world. And so she sits, she admires the world, and she realizes that an older man is sitting beside her. 
     “Hello, I noticed you walking barefoot. Is everything alright?” The man asks kindly.
     “No, no, thank you. Just thinking.”
     “About?”
     Mimms sighs. 
     “I always feel like I have something to say, like I can’t be unsure about anything, and I want to know what it feels like to… not know. You can’t be both, right? You can’t have answers and questions all at once.”
     The man smiles and pauses for a moment. Then, he turns to Mimms.
     “Well, there you go. Now you know.”
     Mimms laughs and doesn’t know what to say.
     “Know what?” She asks.
     “You don’t know what to do about this, correct?”
     “Yes.”
     “You want to know, correct?”
     “Yes.”
     “Then you know how it feels to wonder.” 
     She waits a moment and smiles.
     “That’s funny, I feel this all the time.” 
     The man stands up and leaves, and Mimms looks at her shoes. She slides her feet into the sturdy comfort of them, relieved. 

 

Scarry Night

VT

16 years old

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