Flirt

Flirting has never been my strong suit.
Always too shy,
Too subtle,
Too clueless.
However, with you it's different. 
I'm confident,
Say the right words at the right time,
Subtle endearments. 
Though it's different with you because you think it's all in good fun.
Think it's just a bit.
Just a joke.
So you flirt back.
Matching my endearments.
Slipping in pet names and praises now and then.
Cause you think it's just a joke.
Because it should be,
Because you're with someone right now.

It started as a joke.
Our friends calling us lovers.
But I'm afraid it's more than a joke for me now.
Because when you flirt back,
it makes me smile shyly. 
Blush slightly.
Heart beats faster.
One time you use a pet name that hit a little to close to home for my liking.
I was petrified,
Frozen to the core,
Panic seeping in around the edges.
You made me feel something.
and it scared the shit out of me.
Because I'm afraid of these feelings. 
Afraid of what they led me to before.
After the last one,
I'm scared of the idea of a relationship.
Even though I often daydream of it. 

I try to pretend the feelings don't exist.
Repress them.
Because if I don't pay them any attention
They're not there.
Out of sight out of mind. 
And it works.
For the most part.
Until they resurface.
Until I have to write about them.
And it hurts.
And I know it's wrong.
But I can't help it.
Because when you flirt back,
You make me feel special. 

 

Gabby Chisamore

VT

YWP Alumni

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