Denial Will Fade.

time fades into a opaque blur
with a burning sensation
you ask me
but i dont know the answers anymore
frenzied lack of energy
and wishing i could simply
stop
who i am isnt as simple as it was
who i was . . .
who was i?
i dont think ive ever known entirely
though time and time again
ive searched others
hoping an epiphany lies within their subtle smiles
a glimpse of an explanation hides behind their swaying skirts
and neatly fashioned bowties
when all along
i knew
i just didn't want to
and so my denial would rise like a great ocean
angered by my own interference to myself
and broken i would fall
to the floor
looking up at the ceiling
wishing they were waves
to slowly wrench my breath from my still breathing body
i am blessed to have a body
though i may not like it for what it is
it serves me well
and holds me up through thick and thin
i will wear the swaying skirts
and carefully fashioned bowties myself
i need no lover to tell me who i am anymore
no old coot (sorry to my elders) to dictate who i will be
i am me
nobody else makes me that.