Apr 28

Faking. Feeling. Alone.


Wondering. Wandering.
Faking. Feeling.
Empty.

I'm alone in my room.
I'm alone in a crowd.
Alone at school.
Alone at the mall.
Alone in the woods.
Alone at the park.
Alone in my shame
but it all feels the same
is my name really my name?

Am I who I am
or am I nothing to you?

Could you tell if I was gone?
Can you tell if I'm here?
Your eyes are wide open
but they see right through
me.
Me.

Is my existence existing?
Is my life even living?
Or am I a drop in the ocean,
just another star in the sky?
Am I one among millions, billions, trillions,
or
nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Something.

If you close your eyes can you feel me?
If I close my eyes can I feel you?

Is that how it works?
Should it always hurt?

It hurts to be here,
knowing I am not.

Sorrow follows pain,
but is society to blame?
I feel like I'm fighting, but I don't know
what for.
I feel like I've lost, but I don't know
which war.

I have no dimensions, no depth,
no up or down in my world.
All I think I know is that I am a girl.

But am I? Am I?
Am I anything you say?

I feel like a feather.
I feel like I'm lead.
I feel so helpless.

Helpless. Hopeless.
Confused. Cold.
Paranoid. Paralyzed.
Looking. Lost.
Searching. Soft.
Criticized. Conformed.
Invisible. Ignored.
Nervous. Not.
Fighting. Forgot.

Wondering. Wandering.
Angry. Alone.
Faking feeling.
Empty.