What does that say about me?

You shouldn't feel so agitated.
The world is on the verge of breaking and all you do is sit here and imagine a friend who you haven't seen in almost a year coming to stay with you. Over and Over. The same scenarios play in your head - is this freedom?
But how can I ask myself that, when so many people are hurting and screaming for attention and relevance which they deserve. They really do and all I do it tell myself that it's
not
over
yet.
Over and Over and how can I be so quiet?
I tell myself that we as a world will solve this
but
will we really?
I don't want to grow up in a warring world.
I want to be proud of the universe I'm growing up in, and for the most part I am. But that pride doesn't extend universally.
I love my home.
I love my family.
I want to love the world, too, but how can I when all the people in it are turning cold and hard and bitter?
How can I?
The other day I was answering an email from a friend that said something about a Black Lives Matter art project and whether I'd like to join in. I said I really would but I wasn't sure whether I could find the time.
I lied.
I had the time - I have plenty of time!
I'd just forget. I already knew I'd forget.
What does that say about me?