sorry

the reason
i am up
at 11:24 in the morning
is because of an ache
not from my stomach
not from my head
not from my heart
actually
yes
but because of a girl
i caused much pain

i didn't think that 
i would suffer
from the one i caused pain to
to say sorry
in the air
crying
17 times
every night

i knew it was my fault
you knew it was my fault
i said sorry
you accepted

yet 

i feel terrible

no

like i want to jump in the fiery pits of hell

i feel like saying 
sorry again
yet we both know
it will never be enough 

i try pushing the sorry’s to the side
instead
i paint 
to forget you
i play 
to forget you
i write 
to forget you
nothing works
i'm back to where i started

we both know
that they 
will never come
even close
to heal your broken heart

but 

i don't know when to stop

i don't know when to start

i don’t know when to pause

in the end
we knew
it was never meant to be

yet

yet

yet

i don’t know