i have lost myself

i don’t know how to do this anymore.
it has been a long time.
in the midst of so many catastrophes, my own life seems to have faded.

it has been
years
since i have put a pen to paper because i wanted to.

interests come and go, but this,
the one i always thought would become my future?
i could never imagine it leaving, until it did.

things change
people change
have I changed?

there is a guitar on my floor now,
art on my walls.
but i don’t know how to fill a notebook anymore
and i don’t know how to escape the way i used to,
when i would flee to fiction for comfort.

i want that back.
i want to know myself again.