Secrets and Why I Keep Them

The only reason I don’t say anything
Is because I don’t want the attention that it might get
Attention means dragging people into making them care about you.
And I’m not worth that
At least, I’ve been told that so much,
I believe it.
A spectacular blend of ‘you’re nothing’, ‘nobody wants you’
And fun words like ‘freak’
Are what I hear both inside and outside,
Every waking moment.
Nobody should have to worry about the issues of some 13 year old
That everyone already thinks has the most perfect life.
Truth is, I have so many pent up feelings
That sometimes, they come to the surface and other people see them.
I try not to make them worry at least.
I know people say negative self talk is bad,
But what if you already had an entire script layed out
And once it starts,
It just
Won’t
Stop
Even if I stopped, would they?
Probably not, knowing them.
Secrets.
I have secrets that I keep from everybody
Not just my parents or my peers
Everybody.
So, secrets
Nobody has to know, nobody has to care
Someday, someone might know the truth
But not today, not now.
Afterall, the right person might just realize
That sleeves only cover up the marks on your forearms
Not the ones on your heart.