The perspective of the shooter is not to sympathize or diminish any of what he did, but rather to shed light on how easy it is to get a gun even if you are obviously unfit to have one.
“Here, just take my money!” he interrupts
before haphazardly grabbing the pistol.
Unclenching his fist to let the crumpled money fall.
He leaves his friend with half a lemonade
and no reasoning for the purchase.
He didn’t really want to pay for it,
he doesn’t like to spend money,
especially when it’s going to dumb people
but it was the easiest option and he
wants this to be easy.
Helena wished math could be easier.
or maybe just less boring
but she still wanted something
as she dropped her head between her hands
and waited for the bell to ring.
He made the bell ring,
but not the one they were expecting.
He took out his new gun.
and put in his old bullets.
Now he was ready so
Helena waited for them to
come onto the intercom and tell them
it was a drill but no one spoke
and everyone was rushing outside
until they heard the first shots
and she is so confused.
Confusion is frozen on the
eyes, lips, faces, arms, legs
of those bodies he left.
Why were they confused?
Scared, he understands
he was just doing his job.
If they didn’t want this
then why did they give
him his license to kill?
Why did they hand him this gun
without asking questions?
cries the freshmen in the corner
that Helena barely talks to but
she can see the tears on the end of her nose
and she wants to answer
but she knows that the answer
is worse then not knowing.
All she can do is close her eyes
and watch the shadows in the hall get larger
and the sounds of running and
the pop pop of dying get louder.
It’s too loud but he’s not out of ammo
and he’s not done.
He feels like he’s in trouble.
Like all of the times the neighbors
called the cops on him.
Like how after he met someone,
they rarely wanted to meet again.
He warned them,
he left them notes.
He led a fire of a life,
catching, until he burned.
They tried to put him out,
now he has a gun
and they have no water left.
At first she felt nothing
then she felt a burning pain up
her back and in her veins.
Everyone was screaming and
everyone was dying.
She was dying.
She could be praying but instead she is looking,
for that red heart her mother dropped into her backpack.
She can almost see it next to her,