Home
Young Writers Project

Search form

  • Login
  • DONATE
  • CREATE
    • RECENT POSTS
    • THE DAILY READ
  • COMMUNITY
    • TINY WRITES
    • BOOK CLUB
    • YWP PODCAST: Line Break
  • CHALLENGES
    • SUMMER OF STORIES: Challenges
    • SUMMER OF STORIES: Contest
    • JOURNALISM CHALLENGES
      • Journalism Project Info
    • THE GREAT POETS CHALLENGE
    • CHALLENGES BANK
    • YWP RESOURCES
  • PUBLICATIONS
    • ANTHOLOGY 12
      • Celebrate Anthology 12 Podcast!
    • THE VOICE
    • SPECIAL ISSUES: The ELM 2021-22
      • The ELM 2020-21
      • The ELM 2019-20
    • MEDIA PARTNERS
    • YWP NEWSLETTER
    • ANNUAL REPORT
  • ABOUT
    • ABOUT YWP
    • "YWP is ..." Who we are!
    • PERMISSION FORM
    • TERMS & CONDITIONS OF USE
    • CONTACT US
  • Donate
  • LOG IN/JOIN
Previous Post
Next Post
Mar 14
fiction
ChristianBolding

The Trip Away


2 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 17 or so hours.
​It has been a long journey.
​When the cruise ships to the Red Planet first voyaged 
​out of Earth's atmosphere and into
emptiness, I knew that I would one day go.
I didn't want to go. 
I needed to.
​
I wished
​to stand upon a foreign, celestial body,
​hundreds of millions of miles away from
​the azure of home's familiar oceans
​and the green of home's comforting forests.

​I wanted to see the unthinkable rivets of ​Valles Marineris,
​the largest canyon in our solar system.

​I wanted to gaze upon the irregular faces of
Deimos​ and​ Phobos​
from a desolate,
​mountainous world: 
a world where none can live.
​A world where the insignificance of man
​can truly be realized.

​It has been a long journey.
I am tired and old.
​I have abandoned my children, their children,
​all eleven billion of God's children,
to come here.
​I was born in an age that seems to be eons ago.
Two thousand fifty-four.
​
​The year of the Oil Wars.

​The fiery-looking world comes into view, and my heart nearly stops.
​Here, I will die.
​This place suits me well.
I will die away from death.
I will die away from dying.
​I will die away from
​the murky brown of home's decaying oceans
​and the ashes of home's ruined forests.

​Here, I will die. 

  • ChristianBolding's blog
  • Sprout
  • Log in or register to post comments
  • Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Posted: 03.14.18
About the Author: ChristianBolding
MSG / CONTACT
RECENT LOVES
  • Thunderstorms
  • Conversation
  • The ancient song
  • The Woods Were My Home
  • It Isn't Worth It
RECENT COMMENTS
  • This is very well executed
  • Oh and "the long journey" is
  • Thanks for the criticism!
  • "...worried that a teacher
  • I love how you incorporated

Other Posts

  • Earth
    The wood rots.Praying the mushy 2x4 will hold my weight, Read more
    in fiction 0 Comments
  • Dreaming Town
    Nestled and nurtured in the rolling, safeguarding valleys of some otherworld, Read more
    in poem 0 Comments
  • Final Sylvan Visit
    Somehow, the quiet breath of Aeolus,here gentle and tender, Read more
    in poem 2 Comments

Discussion

Comments

  1. elizamm
    Mar 14, 2018

    Hi ChristianBolding- This piece is impeccable. However, I am confused about the first two lines and the rest of the paragraph and paragraphs two and three. It sounds like it's been "a long journey" - present tense. Then it sounds like the narrator is talking about what the narrator was thinking in the past - past tense. My advice would be to separate the first two lines from the rest of the paragraph, so it can be distinguished that the narrator starts in present tense and then past tense. Also, adding a little bit before the start of the third line about "back then", or add "..." to the end of the second line.

    I also had to look up Deimos and Phobos - I didn't know who they were.

    The last paragraph, which is pretty emotional to me, I think needs a little more explaining, in the fact that it says "This place suits me well". How?

    All around, this piece is so imaginative and well-written. Great job!

    --Eliza, YWP Instructor

    • Log in or register to post comments
  1. ChristianBolding
    Mar 14, 2018

    Thanks for the criticism! Your feedback is greatly appreciated!

    • Log in or register to post comments
  1. ChristianBolding
    Mar 14, 2018

    Oh and "the long journey" is supposed to be the man's literal voyage from Earth to Mars, and I suppose the line also refers to his life as well. I will have to make the distinction between the Martian voyage and the man's past wishes more clear and concise in terms of tense, as you said.

    • Log in or register to post comments
  1. elizamm
    Mar 14, 2018

    Np! And you can definitely make the changes successfully. You've already got the backbone (and more!) of this piece. Can't wait to read the finished piece (if you post it, of course).

    --Eliza, YWP Instructor

    • Log in or register to post comments
  • ABOUT
  • DONATE
  • PUBLICATIONS
  • SUBSCRIBE TO NEWSLETTER
  • JOIN/LOGIN
YWP is a creative, online community of teen writers and visual artists, ages 13-18. We're based in Burlington, VT, and we welcome young creators from anywhere!
Special thanks to The Kemmerer Family Foundation whose generous support made this new, improved website possible.
Website development and design by Refaktor Inc., Summit Creative Works, and YWP's Vivien Sorce, Lauren McCabe, Katherine Moran, and Susan Reid.

Young Writers Project | 47 Maple St., Suite 216 | Burlington, VT 05401
501(c)(3) nonprofit established in 2006
Contact: Susan Reid, Executive Director: [email protected]; (802) 324-9538