anticipation

i remember my first day of middle school

i was wearing washed-out jeans and a t-shirt from Target

my short brown hair was parted to the side

and my round tortoise print glasses were pushed to the top of my nose

i had a tan backpack filled with my brand-new books and supplies 

i was excited

i stepped into the building with my sister until we eventually parted ways 

she was an eighth-grader

“she’s so cool,”

i thought

two years later, I’m in eighth grade

i don’t think I’m cool

i look at all the new sixth graders 

“they’re so little”

i think

is that what I looked like?

is that what the cool eighth graders thought of me?

i am now two months away from my eighth-grade graduation,

i hardly feel different than I did two years ago

my hair is a foot longer 

i’ve grown two inches

my feet are a size and a half bigger

and high school is right around the corner 

yet I feel the same

i don’t want to grow up

yet I can’t anticipate it enough