Dec 02

Shadow

You were all I ever wanted to be
And yet I never despised you for it,
Instead I pretended as if you were never real
Only living in a book I once read
I can't remember when
All because I could never think to do anything 
But love you. 

You were all that I intended to be
But I would always be your shadow
If I had really followed what I had thought was my dream. 
I would have always compared myself to you
In ways that would be unfair to myself. 
It would go on
And on
And on
Until nothing anyone ever said would ever mean anything to me
Because I would give their words to you
And you would tear them letter by letter 
Apart in my own head
-or, at least, my version of you would.

You were all my past was following
But now I have my own future ahead of me, not yours.
I can not, will not, ever be you, or your shadow
And even though my own life will be hard to navigate
As it has not been navigated by anyone before,
At least I am no longer pretending to be someone I am not. 

...

But don't expect me not to ask the "you" that resides in my mind advice every once in a while.