Apr 26

A Letter in the Wind

Dear Nobody,

               I’m not sure why I addressed you as “nobody”. You’re somebody, or at least more than a somebody than I am. I’m sure at least one person will pick this letter up and read it. But maybe not. Maybe people will just see this paper laying on the ground, getting weathered as days go by and everybody walks by it but nobody picks it up. I don’t know what you’ll do. This isn’t a suicide letter, if you’ve begun to panic yet. I wouldn’t commit suicide. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m writing this letter. Maybe I just need to be heard for once. I don’t know. Everyone expects me to be the strong one, and I try, but it’s gotten to the point where I feel my emotions are a burden, and I know I did this to myself. It’s my fault. I know that. I’m just a kid, partly mature and adultlike, partly childish and still wanting to enjoy my few more years of being free from the full weight of the world. I’ve had too much weight already, if you ask me. I took it upon myself to help people because truth is, I care about others more than I care about myself. I’m starting to move out of the mental help area and more into literally helping people, whether they are in physical danger or they just want simple assistance, like crossing the street with a protector. I’m getting tired out, though. I started too young when I thought I was ready to handle it, and I’ve lost what I thought was a talent. Maybe it’ll come back. Maybe I’ve genuinely worn it past repair. I don’t even want to constantly help people, but it’s what I’m good at, so I do it. But hell, I’m not even emotionally stable myself. I’m just a kid. I shouldn’t being doing this. I should be out taking walks in the nice weather just before evening begins. I should be hanging out with friends, you know, chilling at the local park and just talking or whatever, but I’m not, and maybe I’m antisocial, maybe I sound like the average whiny teenager who thinks their life is so hard when it’s not, but everyone only has so much tolerance before they start to lose it. I’ve been used to the point of almost losing it, and I’ve had to cut ties with someone who I thought was one of my closest friend because of it. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe it was a mistake. I still talk to them now and maybe we’re friends again, but I was being used for a bit, so I cut the tie to give us both time to deal with our problems and not put them upon each other, and it worked. I’m still stuck in friendships that should have been ended long ago, but no can do on that. You probably get it. I’m a fairly happy kid, I probably don’t ever look down, but what you put up on the outside is a lot different than what you’re feeling on the inside. I’ve said this so many times, but I’m always acting happy, I’m always acting like everything in my life is just dandy, but it’s really not, and that’s when my mind comes in. My mind is not always happy at all. Nobody’s mind is. I have mere distractions that help me forget how much I truly struggle internally sometimes, but once all is said and done, I’m back in my own head again, barely having coping skills of my own. I love music, though. That’s my only coping skill, really. You’re probably thinking “damn, this kid should get a therapist.”. I probably should. But here we go again with the “I don’t want to be a burden” bull that always keeps me from reaching out for help. Yes, I’m introverted, but yes, I know how to talk to people. But not really about my own problems, huh? Isn’t that how it should be? Or is it socially acceptable to ask to talk to your own friends about some stuff that’s bugging you? I let my friends talk to me about anything almost any time. But I don’t let myself do it in return, and that’s fine. I’ve found a way to safely internalize everything without breaking down too often in all these past years, so maybe I’ll be fine. If you are still reading this, I’ve written a phone number in very fine print on the bottom of this letter. It’s not my main phone number, I’ll give that to you if I feel I can trust you after we talk for a while. Don’t show anyone else this letter, unless you don’t want to talk to me. It’s okay if you don’t. But if you do, please text the number I have written to let me know you got this letter. I’d love to talk to you. Burn this letter after you’ve texted me, or keep it to signify the start of a new friendship. You can even write the date that you found this on the top of the letter. Whatever you want to do. In the meantime, I’ll be waiting to see if anyone actually reads this, and if you do, thank you. I like you already.

             Sincerely, Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man. (Just kidding. Maybe. You'll see.)

About the Author: spiderwebs
“It’s not enough to be against something. You have to be for something better.” — Tony Stark