Aug 01

happy birthday

i haven’t cried this hard since that one black haired guy broke that blonde girls heart in that one teen romance movie i marginally liked. 

but this is different because i feel so stupid. 

so god damn stupid. 

for spending half my money on you. 

for hoping you would treat my heart with care. 

i feel like an idiot for wishing that my sister would come back, 

but all i got was you. 

the shell of the person i watched terrible movies with. one half of the person i felt safe with. 

all i got was someone who was so used to fooling others that they fooled themselves too. 

you’ve tricked yourself into believing everyone else has done you wrong. 

never you. 

you could never do wrong. 

and here you are, destroying my wishes with your fist against the pink swinging symbol of my love for you, and then you are disappointed at what is inside. 

but this is my fault, 

because you’re busy. 

so very very busy. 

you used to never be to busy for me, 

for a laugh with me. 

but now i am an inconvenience, 

and you aren’t afraid to let me know.
About the Author: lila woodard
'But to make yourself feel nothing - so as not to feel anything - what a waste!' - Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name