I would LOVE to walk in my father's shoes for a little while, and hopefully, have him walk with mine. We've never quite seen eye to eye unless we're chatting about history and antique cars. All my life I've felt this barrier between us that only grew as I got older, but when I came out as trans it started to feel like an impenetrable, million-mile-thick, steel wall between us. I know he doesn't really what it means to me or what I feel on a daily basis, but I wish I could at least talk to him about it. I don't understand where his acceptance begins and ends anymore; when I thought I was gay he was 100% okay with it, but once I realized I'm trans (and gay haha younger me, you're extremely confused) it all seemingly went out the window. He's always let me wear whatever I wanted because my body shape is kinda weird for my assigned gender so clothes didn't even fit when he tried to stick with gendered clothes shopping. Pronouns and names, however, are a complete no-go with him. He'll use the right pronouns, but only every now and then and in a really awful, mocking tone. We've gotten into screaming fights over my name, simply because it causes so much dysphoria when I hear my given name. I don't want to give up on trying to get through the divide that separates our worlds, but he doesn't seem willing. I want so badly to see it from his side and figure out why things are the way they are. Maybe then I could make things change for the better for both of us.