Oct 16

Car Ride

Both of us were exhausted. Barely enough energy to tell stupid jokes. I got a ton of stuff in the arcade. So much that it gave me an excuse to put it in the seat next to me, leaving me in the middle next to him. We sat in silence for about 10 minutes, a quiet joke here and there. I can't keep my eyes open. He finally turns away from the window to stare at his hands. My hands by my thighs, barley grazing his. You can tell he wants to hold my hand, but I have bigger plans. I tell myself that I'll do it the second the clock changes. 30 seconds couldn't have been slower. The time comes. Like in a cartoon, plop. My head resting awkwardly on his shoulder. His bony shoulders dig under my jaw. I sit up. My jaw is sore. It's only been 5 minutes and I can't take being in this position. Jokingly, I tell him, 'your shoulder is so damn bony.' Also jokingly, he says, 'this better?' He slings his arm over my shoulder. I don't know where to put my head. I finally decide on the middle of his stomach after he slouches down. His arm rests near my elbow, dangerously close next to my left breast. I see that this bothers him and I shift in my seat so that I'm laying across the seat. His arm slides into position behind my elbow. My left arm stretches across my abdomen, my fingers rest on his thigh. My right arm awkwardly bends up to underneath his hand. I half expect him to grab it and hold it,  but my fingers would have to stretch to reach his. As time passes, we shift a few times, but we generally stay in the same position. Eventually he starts stroking my thumb in soft motions. I feel him rest his head on my hair. I shift again, this time up higher and grabbing his fingers except for the pinkie and thumb. He strokes my hand more and eventually  we drift off. Subconsciously, my breathing matches his. I am surrounded by him. His warmth, his touch, even his smell. Half awake, I smile. I smile because I have never felt more safe. In his arms I knew that no one could touch me or hurt me. All of those hurtful words I've heard through the years bounce off of me like he's a shield. Eventually my mom flashes the lights waking me up. I don't know of he woke up or not. But when my mom said, 'wake up lovebirds' I felt him smile a bit. We ride like that until we reach his street. He gets out and we say goodbye. Part of me asked myself why we didn't say I love you. And then I realize that we didn't need to. You could feel the love in that car. I knew at that moment that I never wanted to lose him. The way he smiled at me as we pulled away out of the street told me that he felt the same way. I'm happy with him as the way we are. I love him.