Nov 27
jess.y's picture

Closure

Goodbye. Thank you for all the times you've made me laugh, for all the firm touches, hand stable and sure. Thank you for helping me experience what it's like to fall head over heels for someone, to know what it's like to want to make someone laugh and smile as much as they make you do so. 

Thank you for bringing fun and spontaneity to my life full of routine, for shocking me with everything I normally don't dare to do. Your very being is everything that I cannot stand for, and yet I found myself falling in love with everything you did. On you, it is alluring, daring, charming. On me, I feel rash, impulsive, idiotic. Yet I craved the adventure you brought to me, found myself dumbfounded at the simplicity in your character. 

You hold no malice to me. That under all your jibes and teasing, you are someone who cares for the people around them. I only wish that you remember to care for yourself as well. I suppose, in a way, I wanted to care for you because I wanted to save you - to hold you so close and so tight that the pieces of you would come back together, that you'd stop shying away from your feelings and focus on yourself like I believed you deserved to.

I still believe that. But I now know that it is something that you have to do on your own, no matter how much I want to give it to you. Because I remember that while I was supported by others, I had to do it myself too. I only pray that one day you'll find that growth. I know for sure that it has helped me immensely. 

Thank you for making me cry. Thank you for making me acknowledge feelings and hurt and pain, all of which I have shut away and detached from in the past. Though the tears I have shed for you have burned and stung, how freely they fell were the closest I have ever felt to being human. The pain is a process. The feelings linger. And now I know that all of this is fine. 

And what I’ll take away from this? The adventure and impulsiveness and dare I loved in you, I will find in myself. You have taught me that it is alright to make a fool of yourself, to live life on the dangerous side every now and then, to take chances because you never know where they will lead. I will take what I loved in you, and love them in myself.

Goodbye. Thank you for making my heart fall through the floor.

sprouted

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It hurts to look at you.