I had a dream. 

You jumped. 

I was always afraid of this. That your hopelessness would one day overcome your rational decision making, and that bridge we often ride over would be your place of death. 

In my dream I saw you jump. I was trying to run towards you on the bridge and I was screaming your name. But my voice was muffled. My footsteps to slow. I was always afraid I would be to slow. 

To slow to text you back, to slow to block your way from an oncoming train. 
I always tried to protect you. But in this dream, it seemed it was all for nothing. 
I watched as you cling to the railing of the bridge. Eyes wide with terror. Confusion. Utter defeat. 

I screamed when you released your hands, falling backwards. You seemed to fall forever. Conversations of self-worth, pleads for overnight phone calls and arguments about reasons to live; extinguished with you last breath.

I can't say, that I'm afraid of many things in life. 
but hate
scares me in a way that leaves you unsmiling for a week
the hate that tears families apart
and the hate that causes one country to drop a giant explosive 
on another
killing countless
the hate that only creates more of itself
and leaves no room for people to love themselves
or others
hate
that spreads like a poison 
invisible, unseeable 
under the skin of society 
hate for others
that seeps under the doors of our subconscious 
and ingrains itself into our brains
until we go to far
and remove them 
only to realize
it wasn't black and white
and maybe
they had it worse 
hate for oneself
that grows like a weed in one's heart
it's roots wind tight around our self worth 
the pressure leaving excess statements
worthless lies
we stupidly believe
"I don't matter"