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Jan 21
poem 2 comments
fire girl

Time Capsule of Jan 2020

I wrote this poem for my younger brother, he's turning eleven today, I'm so proud of him.

Inhale as you listen to the heartbeat of the world.
Be quiet, if you are hiding, do not make noise.
Listen to me now, I do not care if you are loud.

Hold hands with the floor as she tips her angle,
breathe in the trees while you still can,
become courageous in the lion's roar,
do not throw at stone at your reflection.

Marvel at the fact that you are living.
You breathe air.
You walk upon the earth.
You feel.

Marvel at the fact that you can see.
This world unfolded out before you.
Brightness and color,
surrounding your body.
You have dreams.

Marvel at the fact that you have hands.
You can bend them,
make beautiful things with them,
cradle with them,
outstretch them.

Now become delirious with the fact that you are breathing.
Air is flowing in and out of your lungs.
That in it's self, is a miracle.
You breathe through your nose,
feel it pass through your body,
and out again.

There is more of this world than you can possibly understand
and there is too much of you for this world to possibly know.
Now exhale as you listen to the heartbeat of the world,
it is you.
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Posted: 01.21.20
About the Author: fire girl
" to choose to write is to reject silence" - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
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Discussion

Comments

  1. JD
    Jan 21, 2020

    What a nice birthday gift! Like a marble sculpture, sometimes poems can gain more definition by thoughtful chiseling. Time Capsule draws attention to what your brother is doing with his physical body. If the four lines "Be quiet... loud" and "there is more... possibly know" are removed, does the remaining poem lines retain, lose, or gain power? Does removing them give space to the bookends of "as you listen to the heartbeat of the world", thereby emphasizing the opening and ending? I wonder further if "Breathe" and "Now" could be exchanged for Inhale and Exhale, making the poem contained feeling like one extended breath. Line spacing might strengthen that effect by "Inhale / as you listen to the heartbeat of the world... Exhale/as you listen to the heartbeat of the world (stanza) it is you." Does that strengthen the poem or weaken it? The repeated "Marvel" resonates with me as it gives the poem a rhythm, a beat. Should there be more marvel stanzas or would that be too much? Could the "Hold hands" and "Now become" stanzas be new Marvel stanzas instead? Or what about alternating Marvel stanzas with non-marvel stanzas? Reading the poem aloud might guide such decisions.

    JD Fox

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  1. fire girl
    Jan 22, 2020

    Thank you for commenting, I'll definitely take your suggestions. thanks again for the advice!

    " to choose to write is to reject silence" - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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