Feb 23
22donam's picture

wrestling with my heart

I have an issue.
I strive so hard for one goal
yet I fail, again and again,
my teammates congratulate me on my strenuous effort even though I lost.
They tell me that it was my best so it's good enough
but I know that I need to be better.
I can't allow myself to accept their words and to be satisfied never having achieved my goal.
Though I love their positivity, I can't let it convince me to stop pushing.
Instead, I use their words as fuel to keep reaching for victory.
I remember how I don't want to hear those words of commiseration but instead words of pride and elation.
The words echo in my head as my heart races and the adrenaline controls my body during a match, 
they get louder and louder as I get closer, tasting the win on my tongue but not getting a bite of it.
But when the day comes that I accomplish greatness, I will hear their praises,
and only then I will know, that I have truly earned the right to let those words find their home in my heart.
But until that day comes, I can't let their benevolence choke me and worm its way into my head.
This is my issue.