Mar 20
22donam's picture

mon nom

My name,
I've never liked it when people use my full name.
It feels too big and powerful for someone like me, I just don't command respect the same way it does when it enters a room.
So I keep it a secret, and I pretend like it was never there, no so much out of spite for it but more to have something for myself.
It feels sort of special, when only my close friends and family know, kinda makes me feel a little mysterious.
Then when I meet someone new that I can trust, I share the secret with them too, making that someone a closer part of my life.
I think the word I'm looking for is exclusivity, "the practice of excluding or not admitting other things."
I like this word, it makes me feel like my name is more than words smushed together, it gives it a new purpose.
Though I don't know if I'll ever go by my full name, it's fun to imagine what it could do.
But for now, I think Ill stick with the name I'm more familiar with.