May 15

it should’ve been me (class of 2020)

it all came crashing down

this afternoon

when the wind started blowing 

and i’d written everything i had to say 

down and already sealed it up 

it all became real, not for the first time but for the last,

it should’ve been me

your words were far from comfort

you never knew how to hold someone 

with your phrase,

but damn,

your presence could heal 

a dead man walking. 

but none of that matters now 

because everything that i

have lived for is gone

and each day that i 

pushed myself to 

breathe in

breathe out 

was wasted on a false hope 

that only now has

become such. 

it’s a deceiving tale—

weaved through

thirteen years

of hatred and tears 

filling up the ocean

letting me sail across

the barren dessert,

the tears had counted for 

something back then. 

not now. 

now i know they were wasted. 

it should’ve been me. 

it should’ve been me.
About the Author: lila woodard
'But to make yourself feel nothing - so as not to feel anything - what a waste!' - Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name