Jun 30

dear sleep, an explanation.

thoughts 
running 
skipping 
jumping
boinging across my conciseness like ping pong balls
only the word "please"
stays in place 
please 
begging  me
please 
please
you repeat in my ears 
over
and over
until all i can hear
is the pounding 
rhythmic sound
of your pleading 
how much i want to oblige 
out of exhaustion 
i hear you 
your lashes lay heavy on my cheeks
but i flick my eyes open 
as the last rays of sunshine lose their grip on the tops of the pine trees
and go pulmeting down beneath the earth 
where i can see them no more
i hear you
pleading 
you whisper inside of me 
and i know
i should do the right thing
and sleep
but 
cant you see
i don't want to
the fear blocks you out dear whispers 
the relentlessly itchy bug bites on my feet keep you at bay
and though give in i know i must
eventually 
i still lay here
wide awake
the dreams i know will come again
and its those blasted dreams i so badly hate
things seem fine
pleasant and quite lovely 
to start
but as my eyelids lay heavier on my face
 and the last of my woes fall out of place
the clouds open up
and down pours the rain
only i wish thats all that it were
for rain
isn't normally blood
and rain doesn't clog your pores
drown you in thick red pain
suffocate you 
until you jerk upwards
to the loud hum of the air conditioner next to your bed 
and wish that
the real world wouldn't be so terrifyingly close
to those dreams
in which all you can find
is blood 
and hate
and this is why dear sleep
i ignore your whispers
and hide inside the sugar and scary novels 
for i dont want to face
all this terrifying drama 
i am only fourteen dear sleep
i can not fix the world through dreams.