Jul 01

count to 10 and breathe:

there is this voice
in my head 

that talks too much 
about 
everything all at once

a voice that 
make me so nervous 

the muscles in my throat 
tighten 
and it feels like I can't breathe 

a voice that makes 
my heart pound 
and my breath come to fast

a voice that makes me so nauseous 
that I don't eat enough
for 
1
2
3

days 

a voice that makes my palms 
sweat 
and 
props my eyes open 
with too many thoughts 

while alarm bells go off 
and the clock moves from 
4
5
6

in the morning 

a voice that wraps 
rubber bands around my forehead 
giving me headaches 

rate your pain on a scale of 
1-10. 
7. 


and i search 
big text books filled with 
latin words 
that tell me 

I have 
heart arrhythmia 
or 
stomach cancer 

8 different ways 
the symptoms presented 
are fatal 

is it my thyroid? 

these symptoms are 
stress induced


there are days 
when I am finally hungry 
and finally tired 
and can breath into my toes 

and it is those days when 
the rest of me 
gets angry 

at the voice 

because they work so hard
to keep me alive 
despite my limited windpipe 
and diminished appetite 

and I remember that 
my body loves me 

it is only a whisper 
it was only 9 days