Jul 08

Persona

I feel like I’ve been given this
ginormous responsibility to
be alive in the world-
I’m forced by gravity and                                     
nature to be true to who I am
 
but I don’t know what that means.
 
Who am I as a human,
who am I as a teenager,
who am I as a student?
Who am I when the moonlight refuses to
shine on my window and my lamp dims out,
leaving me in absolute darkness
with faint scratches from the
staticky radio?
 
I don’t know who I am.
 
Sometimes I sit and wait,
and wait,
and look out at the birds on the lawn,
and wait,
and cross my fingers behind my back,
thinking that maybe I’ll have an epiphany
and suddenly I’ll know exactly who I am.
 
Then again,
 
I’m never the same person.
I’m constantly growing and evolving
and there shouldn’t be a paper box
surrounding me,
telling me my name,
telling me who I was and who I will be,
even if that isn’t what I want.
 
Now,
with sleep tugging at all corners of my body,
my fingers typing endlessly
and my eyes ebbing open and shut,
I don’t know who I will be tomorrow.
maybe I will be wiser.
maybe I will lose all the knowledge
I’ve gained today.
 
But maybe I will be the same person
that I am now,
and maybe I will know,
in at least the smallest
smidge of my heart,
who I am.