Aug 31

i’ll push back

you make me feel trapped,
struggling to get free. 
you hold everything you've ever done for me,
dangle it over my head 
and taunt me with its existence. 
you use your favors as bargaining chips 
and it wears me thin. 
you claim openness and 
you say you'll give me space 
but you only see what you want to see. 
you never think about what happens when you're not around. 
the constant searching and trying. 
then you come home 
and belittle me 
and yell at me 
and tell me you resent me for not trying. 
but i am. 
i really am. 
i am every day,
just because i don't scream it out to you 
doesn't mean 
it doesn't occur. 
you do not see the air you breathe 
yet you never question it is there. 
people tell you it is,
thus it is. 
so why do you question me?
distrust me?
i do not deceive you. 
i am my own person,
i have been through hell and back,
and unlike some others who
have known you
i've decided 
you're still worth my time. 
don't push your luck. 
because i've grown. 
and ive learned. 
and no longer will i believe blood is thicker than water. 
blood is nothing in the face of unjust actions
and pointed fingers 
and unreasonable accusations.
so, do not push me. 
because i will push back. 
and you will wake up 
with an empty house. 
you many lose me if you wish. 
but know that i will never return. 
About the Author: lila woodard
'But to make yourself feel nothing - so as not to feel anything - what a waste!' - Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name