Oct 09

Best Hugs Ever

It was ok that I was missing my best friend's birthday. Really, I promise it’s fine. She promised it was fine. I still felt guilty, even though it wasn’t my fault. Wasn’t my fault that when I was only 4 my parents split and now live 4 hours from each other. That because I don’t see my Dad much during the school year, the summer is for him. Not for mom, not for me. But it’s not like I hate him. He has a wonderful wife named Allison, and they have two dogs. Everyone gets along well, we are finally healing. I don’t resent them, it’s better that they’re happier. And I’m happier, right? I mean, without the divorve I would have never moved to Vermont, never met my best friends. Today I’m with him, even though it’s May. My lacrosse team just finished competing in a jamboree. We won 2 of our 3 games, a pretty good record. He’s coming up for a special visit, I’ve been looking forward to it forever. I tell my teammate this, ‘Today is such a good day!!’. My love language is touch, and he gives the best hugs. He always makes me laugh, he’s taught me everything I know about writing. He is my idol. Before we head to the pool, he sits us down in the hotel lobby. Henry and I love pools, love waterparks. They’re our little thing, my Dad, Henry, and I. Dad motions us to sit down next to him. ‘I have something to tell you guys’. My heart drops. He’s using that tone of voice. The one my mom used to tell us we were leaving Connecticut and heading to Vermont. On a whim I think ‘I hope there’s no more divorces, or the dogs are fine, or my grandparents are fine’. The ball drops as he’s saying it. Why isn’t Allison here? ‘Me and Allison are getting a divorce’. My brother and I sit in silence for far too long. I want to cry, but I would never, not in front of Henry. I have to be strong. My Dad is moving to the heart of Boston, condemning my summers to city parks and cigarette smoke. I hate cigarette smoke. And the smell of Whiskey. My Dad has a whiskey collection, but he rarely digs into it. I hope it stays that way. 2 years later I still can’t go to a pool without crying later that night. Without running through what I could have done. Hugged him harder, cried less. I know I can’t change the past, but I miss her. I haven’t seen Allison in 2 years. I lied earlier. My best friend gives the best hugs ever.