it's a reprise of
my adolescent thoughts
ones i had pushed away
ones the little capsules of
blue and orange had suppressed.
but those capsules sometimes
stuck in my throat,
they let out their poison against my flesh
and burned against my voice all day.
this is a pill i have failed to swallow.
it has melted after eight months
and i am now feeling the poison.
i don't want help,
i don't know if i even need it.
i can't make sense of my thoughts
and i can't figure out why i let myself be happy.
every time i manage a smile,
let my guard down,
let myself think
'this is the time when i am finally at peace'
i am awoken from my dream
and forced to gaze upon the terrain in front of me.
full of decomposition and never ending headaches.