Nov 29
Maxwell's picture

Please Don't Compliment Me

It’s been a long time since I’ve decided to write 
There’s a new monster roaming my head
Coloring all the others in fear with its fierce wails to be heard and forceful puppetry 
They’ve always been here 
I’ve heard them many times before 
I’ve felt their presence 
 I must’ve been ignoring their cries for too long
And now that I have no choice to listen I understand why I chose to ignore them in the first place 
They shriek every moment of everyday while I beg them to give me control of my body once again 
They look at me with their crooked smile and rotting teeth informing me that I never had control 
I’ve always been the puppet they decided to attach their strings upon its just now they use rops rather than string
The pains in my stomach like someone squeezing my organs 
It becomes all I think of 
The numbers on the back of cereal boxes become unforgettable and the mystery of the number on a scale is ruminating 
I know this monster is far more dangerous than anyone I’ve ever battled 
I know this monster can kill me in just a few years if I give it too much control 
But for some reason this one is the hardest to concur 
They poison my mind in irreversible ways and force my body to run off water and celery 
The people around me watch I slip farther and farther away but they don’t know 
“You look great” they say “How much weight have you lost? Good for you” The compliment 
But little do they know the compliments they find to be so kind fuel a monster in my head making them bigger and beating me down to crumbs
“I am not a number” I repeat over and over trying to make them shrink 
But when I stand in front of a mirror and see the reflection that is supposed to be me I begin to question if this monster is truly bad 
I grab my wrist trying to make each finger tip touch the other and measure my thighs by the width of my hands 
I examine my body in the mirror while time fades away 
I feel them grow and I shrink while my heart sinks to my feet 
Every inch they grow they gain a piece of me 
I don’t want them to win I won’t stop resisting but they have a power I’ve never seen before and that strikes an unfathomable fear 
I am not a number. I am not a number. I am not a number.