Dec 01

Searching


On the subway
I am
just another face for
peoples eyes to skim over

another person sitting
on a worn peeling
tangerine colored seat
under flickering
fluorescant lights

On the subway I
blend into the grey
breathe in
breathe out

sitting
stuck
next to an old woman
wearing a faux purple coat
purple like
mourning doves and crocusts
purple like amethyst crystals
the color of sad

Next to me
a man in a blue vest
head topped 
with a black bowler hat
gazing at a crinkled photo of
a little girl holding a flower
beaming a sunny grin
 
The subway sways
breathe in
breathe out

Across from me
two women

One
with a giant black afro
wearing huge aquamarine headphones
swaying to whatever it is she's hearing
eyes closed
hand over her heart
enraptured
she opens her eyes long enough
to catch me looking
doesn't get mad
just winks
her eyes chocolate brown
goes back to swaying

breathe in 
breathe out

The woman next to her
clutches a cup of coffee
she
wears a white button up
tucked into her midnight blue skirt
painted on her face
an expression of unhappiness
breathe in
breathe out

The subway pauses
the man with the hat rises
walks down the aisle and
dissapears out the door
into the crush of people

A girl takes his place
breathe in
breathe out

She
has a nose peircing
a stud shaped like a star
wears a mint green tank top
her mahogony hair
tipped and swirled with strawberry red
worn in a single braid
unspooling down her back

The subway shudders
breathe in 
breathe out

After four minutes of silence
she starts humming to herself
people get on
people get off
an avalanche of melodies
tumbles out of her mouth

A boy with two earrings
in each ear
a black and yellow checkered shirt
sits next to the old woman
who mutters something about teenagers
always trying new things
Wild things
trying to find themselves
I look at her
eyes wide
wonder what she would say
if she knew there was someone right next to her
trying to do just that
The girl keeps humming
breathe in 
breathe out

A boy with a seahorse tattoo
climbs on holding a book
sits down
where I almost can't see him
her humming stops
grey silence

Suddenly the tattoo boy opens his book
snaps it closed
opens it again
snap
closed
headphones girl smiles at him
starts tapping out a rhythm on her knee
still swaying
but no longer silent
breathe in
breathe out

Now strawberry braid girl opens her mouth
an overflow of colors cascades out
earrings boy sings too
harmonizing with her

The old lady grumbles uncomfortably
shifts in her seat
the colors are everywhere now
rippling through the subway and
splashing off the windows

Most people are smiling
some look
slightly annoyed
breathe in
breathe out

I am twirling now
hands above my head
along with other people
So caught up in this gorgeous moment
The colors throb
the subway is
quaking now like
it can't hold this much vibrance
people are being lit up
color is
washing back into their clothes
The coffee lady's midnight blue skirt
is now turquoise
A boy with corn-rows 
who
moments before was
dressed in all black
is kicking up red until he is
dressed like a poppy
splashing up purple until he is
wearing morning glorys
breathe in
breathe out

Slowly
the song dies down
The dancing shifts
into clapping
and laughter
Our clothes are soaked with color
dripping with it
the old woman sighs
leans her head back against the seat
the performers bow
and sit back down
I tell Strawberry braid
"that was amazing"
she smiles
says thanks
her face still glowing
from the moments before

The old woman gets up
and make her way down the aisle
The subway quivers

Strawberry braid looks at me
asks me "why are you here?"
It might seem weird
a total stranger
asking me this
For some unknown reason
I tell her the truth

"I'm looking for someone"
She looks at me quizzically
"Have you found them?"

I
smile
lean my head back against the seat
just like the old lady did
close my eyes

"Almost"

breathe in
breathe out