Jan 15

i wish


i wish
i wish
i wish
says the girl, staring
at the glowing stars
glued to the 
ceiling of her room

i wish that
i could be a princess
living in a castle
high in the sky

her wish floats up to
her ceiling, carried by
her soft exhales 
as it sticks to the
glowing stars, unable
to fit through the 
cracks in between the walls

i wish
i wish
i wish
says the girl, now
older, trying to be 
someone she is not,
someone she thinks can
save her

i wish i had long
blond hair, pretty blue 
eyes, and creamy white
skin

her wish floats up in
the air, fitting beneath
the now peeling stars, 
struggling against the ceiling,
trying to find a 
way out

i wish
i wish
i wish
says the girl, older now
focusing on the things
that no girl
should have to focus on

i wish that my skin
did not press against the
waistband of my jeans,
that my body did not spill
out of the clothes that are
2 sizes bigger than
everyone elses

her wish fights its
way up, clinging to the 
hanging stars, trying not to 
fall as her shuddering
exhales are smothered by 
her pillow.

i wish
i wish
i-
the girl cannot continue,
as her lips are dry and cracked
her skin clinging to her ribs
her eyes red and puffy

i wish that i had
a body that i did not hate,
a life that was easy,
a mind that did not turn
on everything i did,
she whispers

i wish that i could look in 
the mirror without crying,
without sucking my sagging stomach
in so that a man could
praise me, so that he could
tell me how beautiful it was
that he could count my ribs,
how lovely it was that i 
did not eat,
how desirable i was when
my lips were sewn shut
into a smile,
she says, lifting her head

i wish that i could
still sleep at night,
that i could still feel 
happy, because i can't anymore
i can't be like i used
to be, not now

i wish, i wish, i wish
and yet none of my wishes
have ever come true