Feb 15

Influence

Inside, there will always be a war raging.
Optismistic and pesimistic thoughts seldom comprimise.
It is in the moments of uncertainty that you swing the balence.
The encouragement I feel in the comfort of your warm embrace never fails to conqure pesimism.
No matter the odds stacked against me,
I know together we will triumph.
Yet on the days when you know not what I go through,
those are the days when optimism faces defeat.
All positive outcomes remain locked in a box,
left without the will to fight back.

Some days I need to hear the truth no matter how painful,
for in truth lies long awaited answers.
Yet today is not that day,
when a bloodhounds nose becmoes my own,
scouring the land for truths.
No, today is the day I seek reasurance in the wisdom of your heartfelt words.
Unfortunately that is not what I got.

Everyday I have battled myslef.
Both sides of me,
friend and foe have perished from time to time.
I have learned from these encounters that my downfall is fear of consequences.
Always quadruple checking an importnat desicion before it is made.
By the time an verdict has been reached,
my conclusion is draged back underwater to face court against the newly generated questions along with many "what ifs". 
I must overcome my fears,
for only then can I make a difference.

In the circumstances I face today I finally feel Gods hand at play.
Beacsue of this I know what I must do,
that doesn't make the fight for it any easier.
Especially when my choice comes with discouragement from you.
It hurts,
but it strengthens.
Now I am more determinded than ever.
I can do this,
I will do this.

So no,
don't stuff me full of your "realistic", pessimistic thoughts.
There's nothing you can say that I haven't alreday told myself.
I know you look out for my best instrest and for this I am glad.
You say not to get my hopes up,
but if I never raise them up,
they could never have the chance to fly.
What is not held high can never fall.
Just as what is not held high for all to see can never be noticed.
The question is not wether the glass is half empty or half full
but what do you wish it to be?

Words hurt,
but also heal.
They have the power to be manipulated,
I will use that to my advantage.
So thank you.
Your words have inspired me.
Not to prove to you that I can do this,
(although it will be a perk),
but to prove to myslef that I have what it takes,
to overcome the obstacles built by my own hand,
in order to change the world for the better.