Apr 15


I wrote this story in 6th grade (2 years ago!). Tell me how you guys like it!!! (Also I apologize in advance, it's SUPER long, no pressure to read it all (: haha) 

There are some days where I wish I had never existed. And today was one of those days. It started off normal, well normal as it could be. It was a drewry Monday and it was raining which seemed to fit the occasion. It was the kind of rain that fogged up the windows and because the clouds were so dark it made it seem earlier than it was. It always made me more sad when it rained. 

I woke up to the pitter, patter against my window. It was like a song that a mother would sing to her new born baby. It was soothing and I found myself drifting back to sleep. That is until I heard Sadie yell to me from downstairs. 

“Get your butt down here, it’s already seven! You're going to be late for school!”  My eyes shot open and I chided myself for making Sadie mad. I’d only lived with Sadie and Tom for two months and they were already sick of me. I tried, I really did. But I always ended up saving all my feelings until they bubbled up and exploded. Those were the moments I hated the most. It was the same with all the others. 

“Too much trauma,” they'd say. “This is not what we asked for.” Then I was sent away to some poor family looking for a sweet little daughter. But I was never the ‘sweet little daughter’ they wanted. I was always the ‘mad annoying daughter.’ I want to scream at them ‘It’s not my fault my mother didn’t want me! Its not my fault nobody wants me!’ They will never understand. 

I jumped out of my bed so fast my head started to spin. I closed my eyes and waited for the world to stop spinning then I practically sprinted down the stairs into the kitchen. Tom was sitting at the table, his eyes glued to his phone. But when I walked in he looked at me like I was something besides human. At the time I didn’t know he was right. 

“Hurry up,” he mumbled his eyes back on the phone. Good morning to you to Tom, I thought. Sadie was washing the dishes and she didn’t even acknowledge me. They both looked mad and sad at the same time. Not a good sign. 

That's when I knew I was gonna get the boot. I sulkled while I ate my cereal. Sadie and Tom aren’t bad people but don’t get me wrong they've had their moments, everyone does. But since day one I knew it wasn't going to work. I knew me and I knew their type. The type where they want a kid but don’t want to put in the work. Not the best match. Sadie finished the dishes and sat next to Tom with a ‘good morning’ to me. Maybe they're not mad, a little voice in my head said. But I highly doubted they aren’t. 

I finished my cereal and washed my dishes not wanting to make them even more mad. I felt bad for them. They wanted an easy, normal kid. Instead they got the complete opposite. I tried not to dwell on the thoughts that kept swimming in my head. Where will I go next? Was one of the many. 

Honestly I don’t remember saying anything to them. I was sure I had kept my temper in check. But maybe something leaked without me even knowing it. I hope not. 

I turned the shower on as hot as it could go. I let the water burn my skin. This is something I can control. Because I can’t control my own life. I get out quickly and get dressed in my uniform, a plaid skirt and a fancy T-shirt with H.P.H.S in yellow lettering on the right side. It stands for Highgate Private High School. Why Sadie and Tom wanted to send me to private school I really have no idea. I don’t really have any friends. But I don’t mind. Wherever I go I just don’t fit in. I had one friend when I lived with Julie and Corey. Her name was Kara and we hung out until I lost my temper and then I lost her. I hate to admit it but I liked it. I liked having someone to talk to and share your feelings with. From then on I tried to steer clear of friends. Friends and I just don’t work. 

When I got downstairs, it was  seven thirty eight. I wouldn't be too late. Sadie was waiting by the door staring off into space. Her bright blue rain jacket was hard for me to look at. She saw me and her face turned serious. She was staring at me like I was a complex math problem that needed to be solved. I didn’t like it. I bent down and laced up my black high tops. 

“Ready?” Sadie asked. She handed me my black H. P. H. S rain jacket. 

“Yeah,” I said, giving a small smile as I shrugged on the jacket. She opened the door and we stepped out to her car. The rain was pouring steadily and a few drops got into my eyes, I blinked them out my ears tearing up a little.  There was fog in the air making it harder to breath. I could not see five feet in front of me. 

Sadie unlocked her old red outback and I climbed into the passenger seat as she started the car without a word to me. 

“I’m sorry Sadie. I must have done something wrong to make you and Tom mad,” I said. I had felt the need to apologize. I thought maybe I could fix what I did wrong. I just didn’t know what I did wrong. She pulled out of the driveway and we started the five mile drive to my school. 

Then for the first time Sadie looked at me. She looked a little surprised. I didn’t know what to do. I started picking at my fingernails, an old habit. She looks back onto the road. Cars whizzed by us. 

“Ameila I’m not mad you. We are not mad at you. It’s just.” She stopped talking for a second. But she did that thing when she lied, her eyes squinted just a little bit. I had believed just for a second that what she said was true. That I would get to stay. So much for hope. 

We went through a puddle and it splashed water onto the windshield. Sadie turned the window wipers on and muttered ‘I can barely see anything.’

“What?” I asked, wanting to know what she would say next. A silent tear trickled down Sadie’s face and hung on the edge of her chin. Something was going on. I just didn’t know what. 

“My-,” but she never got the chance to tell me. Our car started sliding out of control and it was spinning, around and around. I screamed and held back bile. Sadie tried to get control of the car but the road was so wet it just kept sliding. Cars lurched out of the way and it was a miracle that one didn’t hit us. We could still barely see anything because of the fog. And right when I thought we were about to stop, something yellow flashed in my vision. And then another car hit us. And the whole world went dark. 

. . . 

Beep, beep, beeeep. 

    “She’s waking up! Hurry, get Dr. Carson!” The sound of many footsteps was the first thing I heard. I felt something prick my arm. I opened my eyes and the whole world was blurry, I tried blinking and after a few blinks it melted away. 

    I was in a hospital bed. There were multiple nurses leaning over me. It felt like the room was a million miles away. It was hard for me to concentrate. My eyes drooped. Where am I? What happened?  I thought. But I was to tired to ask. 

    “Amelia Smith can you hear me?” A male nurse said, holding something in his hands. He shined it in both my eyes. I tried to talk but it felt like my throat was full of sand paper. A tall man rushed into the room. I assumed he was Dr. Carson. 

    “Amelia,” he had a deep voice. “I’m so glad you're awake.” He looked genuine. I tried to talk again but the sandpaper was back. 

    “Don’t try to talk,” he said. There were so many people. I was not used to being around so many people. More accurately I was not used to being around so many people being the center of attention. At school I was always used to being around people but everyone was ignoring me. I was always around people and yet I always felt so alone. 

    Three of the nurses left the room. But Dr. Carson and the male nurse were still here. The male nurse came next to me and adjusted something on my arm. 

    That when I noticed all the needles. There were many in my arms and two on my stomach. I had always been a wimp when it came to medical stuff. I was connected to so many machines and they were all beeping so loudly it made my head pound. 

I started to feel faint, my face drained of all color. The nurse was putting one into my arm. 

    “An I.V,” he said calmly. Why do I need an I.V? I’ve never had an I.V in my life and I don’t want one now! I thought. 

    “Get them out!” I was somehow able to push the words out forcefully. I started ripping at one, it was painful but it was worth it when it was out. 

    “Amelia,” the nurse said. He looked kind of annoyed. I tried to shoot him a mean look but I;m sure it looked like I was having a stroke. 

    I felt a prick in my arm and I felt my whole body droop. I fell asleep to the soft song of rain against the hospital window. 

. . . 

“Oh Amelia why did we ever let you into our house?” I sat up fast and I felt a tug on my arm. The I.V. I took a deep breath. I was still in the hospital but nobody was in my room. Except Sadie. 

    But it wasn't Sadie. The real Sadie didn’t have a deep wound in her head that exposed her skull. Or ripped clothing with blood spots all over it. The real Saide would have never said that to me even if she really wanted to. I was about to ask what she meant when she continued. All I could do was stare at her. 

    Something was up. 

    “We just wanted a nice, sweet daughter but we got you. Me and Tom tried to love you. We really tried. But you yelled at us when we tried to help you. Amelia we just wanted what was best for you but you're not what's best for us.” She smiled a wicked smile. Her lip cracked and started bleeding down her chin. I had to look away. I wouldn't let her see my tears. 

    I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I couldn't find my voice. I tried to push words out but nothing came out. 

    She stood up. Walked up next to my bed and grabbed my chin with her fingers and pointed  it up to her face. Her nails dug into my skin, it hurt. 

    “Your nobody. Nobody will ever want you,” she said and turned and started walking around the room, her heels clicking on the floor. 

    “No,” I whimpered. I always knew there had to be someone out there that would want me. But it was more of a hope. A stupid, supid hope. 

    “Yes,” she said. Then a nurse rushed into the room trailed by two more nurses. Their shoes squeaking on rhythmaticy on the floor. 

    “Ma’am you aren’t supposed to be in here, come with us.” They grabbed her urgently. As they left the room she shot one last smirk at me. My mind couldn't stop racing. 

    What happened to Sadie? And is what she said true? I didn’t want to believe it. But deep down I know what she said was true. 

    I tried to get up. To follow her. I got up and when my feet touched the cool hospital tiles I slipped and  heard a crack. Red spilled all over the hospital tiles staining them. Blood. My blood. 

Everything started melting as if something very hot was melting it. It reminded me of the glass making class I took. 

The world was disappearing. Then everything was plunged into darkness. 

. . . 

Beep, beeeep, beep. 

    The familiar beep of the monitor brings me back to the real world. 

A dream. It was just a dream, I told myself. I was sweating and my whole body felt like it was on fire.  I tried to push it out of my mind, bury it deep down where I could never find it. 

The room was so bright when I opened my eyes. It blinded me so I shut my eyes for a second. When I opened them Dr. Carson was sitting in a chair next to, his eyelids drooping. But when he saw me he smiled and stood up. 

“Good morning,” he said and walked over to my side. 

“Morning,” I said with minimal pain. Dr. Carson grabbed a Blood Pressure thing and he looped  it around my arm. 

“You must be very confused,” he said calmly. Yes. 

“Yes very,” I said. “I don’t understand what happened.” All I remember is, Sadie and yellow. 

“Let’s start with where you are, you’re at Saint Anderson's Hospital.” Our local hospital, I thought. 

“You were in an accident with your…” He didn’t know what to call Saide. My mom? My adopted mom?

“Sadie,” I said. He seemed to frown and smile at the same time. 

“Yes Sadie. A driver that saw the whole thing go down called nine-one-one and the paramedics brought you both here, to the ICU. You only had a gnash in your forehead, we got it all stitched up, but….” He continued. Then he smiled sadly, the smile I know so well. The pity, sad smile. 

I knew what he was going to say next. Tears sprung to my eyes clouding my vision. I tried to blink them away but more kept coming until they were like a waterfall falling down my face. Dr. Carson came  and sat next to me. 

“We tried to save her but she was bleeding internally in her brain. I’m so sorry.” 

“Where's Tom?” My voice was barely more than a whisper. I lost my adopted mother, but Tom lost his wife. “Her husband.” I mean was her husband, I thought to myself. I didn’t want to say the words aloud. That would have made it  real. At the time it felt like one big dream. 

“He’s in the waiting room,” Dr. Carson stood up, brushed off his pants. “He wants to see you but we told him you needed to rest, but I can get him.”  Me and Tom didn’t have the relationship me and Sadie had but it’s not like we didn’t have one. He was nice and made good lasagna. I had also liked to think he liked me. I never really knew though. 

“Yes please,” I said straightening up. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said and walked out of the room. It all had felt so surreal. I closed my eyes just for a second and when I opened them Tom was sitting in the chair next to my bed. It was dark outside. I slept through the whole day? Why didn’t anyone wake me? Tom was looking at me but he wasn’t, it was like he was looking beyond me. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept in days. He looked like he had aged twenty years in two days. 

“Hey,” I said. His eyes shifted into focus and he started blankly at me. I wondered if he blamed me for what happened. Did I blame myself for what happened?

“Hi,” his voice was raspy as he'd been crying. Which he probably had been. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked me. 

“I’m feeling alright,” I said. It was only half true, I had a pounding headache but other than that I was fine.  Instinctively I reached up to feel the stitches on my head. Six I counted. As I ran my finger softly over it, it burned but did nothing more. 

Tom put both of his hands together, a movement that meant he was deep in thought. 

“Good, good,” he said. He put his head in his hands. I could tell he was silently crying. For Sadie. I felt a tear trickle down my face and down to my chin, I wiped it away quickly.
    “I’m sorry,” I said even though I knew I didn’t have to say it. I just had felt the need to apologize. I doubted Tom would keep me after Sadie died. It was hard for me to admit but I wanted to stay. I didn’t like change but it seems change follows me everyone and there was no way for me to stop it. 

“Amie its not your fault,” he said that but he didn’t say it like he believed it. I knew what thoughts were going through his mind. If we didn't adopt her would this have happened? Would I have lost my wife?  I didn’t know the answer but I doubted it. Maybe it was my fault. 

He looked me in the eyes and smiled a sad smile.