May 07

Where I'm at

Somewhere I lost the words
along the tissue paper flower path
that smells of floor cleaner 
like a hospital 
all hallways and anxiety 
every turn a new reason to want to run away 
from what you might find
Somewhere i went crazy
on this river raft to wherever I'm going 
created by my own eyes 
ever flowing, carrying me forwards on a twinkling path to anywhere
it tastes like rain and smells of chamomile 
dark chocolate skies 
and stars that aren't stars but tiny hanging magnifying glasses 
to remind you 
to look closer 
you may ask what I'm on 
may ask what I've eaten
how much sleep I've had
but what you should ask is if I need a hug
if I might feel as though
the weight of all who cry 
rests upon my shoulders
and pours through my eyelashes every evening 
if maybe I might need to fall into a field of dandelions and laugh for a while
I do need a hug
I do feel as though, I'm breaking under the pressure of 5 years worth of tears
I do simply want to fall back underneath a soft afternoon sun and giggle about funny nothings for an hour or two
I wish to wear blue corduroy overalls and a soft orange t-shirt 
I wish to not hate my body 
or stress about grades 
I wish to get lost in the smell of flowers and feel of tiny frogs jumping onto my toes 
to be fascinated with the salamanders in the mud
I wish to feel connected to my world that i love
to my people that i miss
to myself whom, I'm not sure i know entirely 
to all the world that i have yet to see or know
and I wish 
to be content with the process of life
I wish to get lost
on my way to finding what i want
so just maybe
I can find where I'm at
and what I need.