Sometimes breathing feels like suffocating.
Sometimes life makes me want to curl up in a corner of myself and just try
to think what this world would be like if there weren't certain things.
What I would be like
if there weren't certain things.
Sometimes I want to just exist as who I am completely.
Sometimes I want to scream.

Just a note-- The male human beings that I hold close to me, I love them. They are wonderful people,and this poem is not meant to include them. This is simply how I feel,
and getting my voice on this particular subject out into the world... 
 

And on many subjects
I get told to stay silent. And on many subjects
I get told to speak UP.
And on this subject
I am supposed to keep my mouth shut.
And on this subject
I cannot.

See: Being female
See: Long hair, pretty eyes, legs for miles
See: Wearing clothing that says I am confident in who I am
See: Getting called slut, hoe, for wearing crop top, stomach showing, 
the world's gonna end!
See: Men walking around town shirtless
See: Being told to be afraid
See: Being told to 
RUN
See: being told; Stay silent, ignore them
when they see you, lazy eyes glued to you, 
when they say something crude.
See: STAY SILENT.
See: That's what I've been told to do
See: NO
See: I can see what they actually want in their eyes
I don't even need to see their eyes
See: Me being afraid, of course I'm afraid
See: Me carrying bobby-pins attached to my shoelaces
In case I need to defend myself
See: I SHOULDNT EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT
See: My fear turning to anger, my temper
flaring red-hot, like my hair
that catches their eyes, pulls their gazes to me-
See: Me biting my lip, not trying to be sexy, but
trying not to say something that will get me in trouble
See: Me walking fast, faster until I can no longer see them
See: Me not breathing the whole time
 

See: My friends and I together, enjoying our togetherness, laughing with each-other and loving each-other.
See: Our presence draws so many eyes, unwanted eyes,
See: By this twisted society's standards, we are beautifulbeautiful
See: Shadows everywhere, watching us walk
See: We pretend we do not notice
See: There is safety in numbers

See: The confusion on young girl's faces
when they get told they are so beautiful, 
to be proud of it
and hide it away.

See: The ice that coats our tongues
behind our full red lips
See: Lilies
beautiful on the outside
Deadly on the inside, 
See: Only because they are forced to be that way

See: People noticing when incidents happen, people 
feeling sympathy when they see the unwanted eyes traveling over you. The arm that gets slung over your shoulders.
See: Them seeing this, why aren't they doing anything?!
See: This is not a women's world

See: Being told to be who you are, be who you want
See: Being pretty for your own pleasure, looking how you feel comfortable
See: That being mistaken for trying to attract attention 
See: Getting in trouble for that
See: Confusion, there is no balance

See: Confusion and fear and anger all combining
See: Me deciding there is no reason for me to try to please everyone
See: Me being me
See: Ignoring that I was told to ignore them
See: Their words and eyes are like needles, they
are not so cunning
tricky
See: Them thinking I must be attracted to them like all of society is
See: Them trying to sweet talk me, thinking they
are being so clever, giving me advice
See: Their eyes never looking into mine
but always at me
See: My hands balled up at my sides, avoiding, not letting them touch me
See: I will not filter my words
See: Me using my words like knives, shields, the whole shebang
See: Them being startled then angry
how dare I talk to them like that
See: Me walking away
See: Them cursing
See: Me shaking from fear and adrenaline and hate
See: Me griping to my girls about this, 
them griping to me
See: Us feeling safe when we are together


See: Me wishing females, girls, didn't have to deal with this
See: I shouldn't have to deal with this
but no one can protect me
but me

See: This world is screwed up

See: This is only a man's world

See: Even now