Dec 26

Never gonna forget

I will remember these numbers forever
and not because they're a palindrome...

Took a few tests
a few weeks back

Sat on a table covered in paper and watched blood
drain out of my body into tubes.
Four of them, all different.
Different colors for
different things but all of them
were filled with the same blood.

I watched this happen, watched
as the needle was pulled out of my arm
and cotton was pressed down against my skin and
a bandaid was placed on top.
I was told not to remove it for at least a half hour.
Finished the appointment and walked out.
It hadn't even been five minutes.
I ripped off the bandage.
"Let me bleed", 
I thought.

The test results came in.
I never got my blood back.
I got something else instead.
Found out about three of the four tubes.
what the results meant, nothing serious.
Small problems, easily fixed.
I was numb to all of it.
just done.

I learned about the fourth tube.
Saw the results and
my heart dropped.
Because this test was one I'd taken over and over and it was always fucking positive and it was not
what I wanted 
for this time.

Instead of where there had been a P
for Positive
for 12 years--
there was now an N.
for Negative.
For No.
As in, you don't have it.

The test was for Lyme Disease.
It was Negative.
For No.
As in, you don't have it.
I don't have it.
It's gone.
I'm done.