Oct 05

I lied, I miss you every day

I miss you on the misty mornings
and the that evenings smell like rain
I miss you watching midnight storms and
your hands in my hair
instead of the wind

We made it a long time, love
from the frigid winter of 2021 to almost now
when all the sumacs go yellow
I miss you and your hoodie still hangs in my closet and
your words are something I will keep forever
but it was time and we both knew it
Neither of us like goodbyes, especially not to each other...
but it was time, my love
I miss you and holy shit, can't believe we're high school juniors and 
what the hell happened to childhood and 
we both knew when it was time.
I miss you on these sunny fall days, holding your hand and sititng on your porch and 
maybe it sounds selfish but 
I miss calling you mine.
There's an ache of tears that fill my throat for many different reasons and 
although I wish it wasn't, I know
one of those reasons is because of you.
I'm glad I don't hate you. 
I hope you don't hate me, I don't think you do because
we both knew it was time.

This is the way our cards have fallen, love
I was hopeful they wouldn't fall at all but I should've known better
I miss you on the smoky afternoons, air thick with exhaustion and forced voices
you made talking so easy and I could cry and it would be okay
Can't believe we're juniors in high school, where did childhood go
The last time I saw you in the grocery store, making fun of you for buying what you called a snack
you were taller, features sharper, and 
you'd settled into yourself, I could tell
I don't look the same either, you told me that, you noticed
my face is not so round anymore, eyes have changed shape and 
you told me I was as beautiful as ever.
That was the last time I saw you and the last time you saw me.
I'm glad I don't hate you.
I hope you don't hate me, I don't think you do because 
we both knew it was time.

I have a feeling I'll see you again someday
but only once it's time. 

I miss you on the misty mornings