gnawing my nails to thin pink brittle
twisting a stolen colored pencil with each finger,
one at a time, muscles twitching
to reach some distant mountain scape from my dreams
trying to ignore how my lens on reality
is cleverly omitted from every nod and smile
how the attention my numb conscience deserves
is notoriously stripped to the bone, because
i'm too young to know what's best for myself.
in the so-called safety of the so-called home,
the ancient familiarity and assumed forgiveness
brush over my voice in rich red watercolor
and I'm drowning, drowning, until
in the cookiecutter carelessness of the
obsessive, opressive, public, my voice
is silenced by the thunder of every other
seven point nine billion minus one
individuaks who would their power high in the sky,
out of my reach, and my words are
drowned, drowning, drowning.
they tell me to overcome that