Cancer was just a word.

Cancer was just a word until its ropes were wrapped around your neck. The same rope that held your fate in its threading was tied in a pretty bow around my so fragile wrist. I didn't get it. I mean I understood what it was, but I couldn’t understand why it was happening to you. 

The same grandpa that ate dinner with me every night, the same grandpa that watched me learn to ride a bike, the same grandpa whose name took place on my fathers day cards. How could the grandfather whose arms once made me feel on top of the world, now be painted with bruises?

 I was taken from my innocent years to watch yours fade away. For every step you took into the hospital, A feather was plucked from my wings. Wings that held me in the oblivion I would forever after keep searching to feel again. I didn't realize what a privilege it was to have you. To be under the same moon though we had miles between us. 

Because just like everyone else, I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. Nothing could have ever prepared me for the day your legs became too tired to hold the brittle bones between the rope around your neck and the floor.Nothing could have ever prepared me for the words that took your name and carried it into the past. Your name now lingers in my mouth where it once danced around.

 Just like how we danced the other night. On the same dance floor you taught me my first steps, surrounded by lights and your hand twirling my little body into a spin. My eyes begin to water. And when I expect to feel your rough fingertips wipe them away, I am confronted with my own delusions. Four walls filled with darkness and a girl dancing with nothing but the shadow of her sorrow.