Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Pippa who thought that life needed some interesting bits. At least her life. Lots of lives are quite interesting, as you and I should know. #Narrative
Unfortunately Pippa could not conceive of an idea to make her life interesting. She had lived in the same town for most of her life and done the same things for most of her life. Lucky for her, though, she was about to begin her first day of seventh grade. And that would be plenty interesting. I should think. I wouldn’t know; I’m the narrator. (I have a feeling I’m going to be saying that a lot in this book. The minds of preteen girls are a mystery to me.) I never went school. I was just born narrating stories. Enough about me. You probably don’t need to know about my life, which is basically narrating stories. You are reading this because you wanted to know about Pippa and her uninteresting but soon to be interesting life. I shall narrate it to you, because I like narrating.
Pippa Eikenberry stepped into her new school with a grin and her shoulders squarely set. She was so ready, so completely and totally ready that no one else was in the school. She was early! Oh, wait, no, she was just late. Let me start again.
Pippa Eikenberry leapt into her homeroom off-balance and crashed into some guy about to eat a banana. Luckily none were hurt. The banana suffered some damage, and mush was leaking of the top.
“Pippa?” cried out a very familiar voice.
Pippa looked up, squinting in the fluorescent school lights. An average sized girl with average hair and average eyes leaned over her, holding out her hand. It was Callidora E. Smith-Thavaneswaran, Pippa’s closest friend.
“Hi!” Callidora exclaimed, yanking Pippa up.
Pippa returned her friend’s greeting as the banana-eating guy peeled back his fruit and took a bite, no worse for the wear.
“Please take your seats,” said the teacher. “I have three announcements to read to you. I am Mrs. Malignant, but you can call me Mrs. Malignant. I teach seventh grade Social Studies.
“Announcement one. Do not go into the Guidance room, room 713, as the ghost of our former Guidance class haunts it. Guidance will be held in the hallway until the ghost can be vacuumed up.
“Announcement two. Do not eat the cheese in the cafeteria, as it is bounceable and is not even real cheese.
“Announcement three. Do not, under any circumstance, go near an eighth grader, as they are huge and could easily crush you without noticing it. Thank you. You may now speak with each other,” finished the teacher.