Losing Myself

My secret name is Anxious Ashlyn 
It's the name I call myself when I think no one else is looking 
It would make for a pretty bad superhero 
I lost the word hero 
Or at least the word no longer applies to me 

I used to think I was a good friend 
But I lost that too 
By forgetting friends birthdays 
By not being there for them in a time of need 
By disappointing them 
I tried not to but it was hard 
A few have stuck around but most have left 

It's hard when you wake up in the early hours of the morning 
Feeling sick mentally, like there's a demon in your mind 
It hurts worse than losing your childhood innocence 
The innocence I once had has slowly drifted away 
Leaving me here as a moody negative teenager 

I wish I could go back to the good times 
When I hadn't lost the word hero or brave 
When I still had the words light, outgoing, and generous  
I just don't think they belong to me anymore 
I lost them through the years as I grew up 
Like how I lost my straight hair, and my love for swim team 

But I guess that's how growing up works 
You lose words and feelings, and the little things that matter 
All good things must come to an end