flickering

i'm standing in the middle of a crowd,
and all i can hear is the resounding
sound of a piano, something that used
to make me fall asleep but now seems
to keep me awake, pounding at my temple
as i fight to close my eyes. 

there is something in my drink,
something that tastes like dirt and
shame and guilt, all mixed with a settling
feeling of satisfaction. 

every so often, i seem to realize
that i want to be surrounded by familiar
faces, to be comforted, but my actions
leave me in a room of sorry
voices and broken morals, something
that has become the only way i 
can ever shine
(i still flicker)

i get dizzy and ditzy,
as i shove a blue pill full
of promises down my throat,
a remedy to winter, a seasonal
medicine i have been introduced to.
(i guess serotonin is still censorable)

i am happy, i just can't sleep,

i am healthy, i'm just aching.
 
sometimes, time is all it takes. 

 

ivyparks

VT

15 years old

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