Dec 07

making a film: it's been a while!

pictured above: more costume shopping, some at-home papier-machéing, and cutting my own wig bangs. not pictured: costume tryons and an emergency recast. 

so it's been a while since i offered any updates on the production process for my movie, hazel's house. first i was in a play that sapped all of my time and energy, then i was exhausted from having been in the play and then i sort of forgot i was doing it during the week of thanksgiving break. but i've returned now with many updates, including that we're ready to start filming!
Nov 09
audio 2 comments challenge: Hazel

barnaby's house

another song from my experimentation with the kind of stuff i want for the hazel's house soundtrack. this one is less terrifying--it coincides with the initial drive through hulcastle and the kids' first view of goddard manor so there's a little snippet of a theme that will become hazel's in there. i actually did this one with a metronome so it sounds like maybe it has a tempo! 
Audio download:
Barnaby's House.m4a
Nov 01

echoes pt 2

pt 1 is here
happy late halloween everyone! i meant to post this yesterday and then didn't and then i had no electricity most of this morning, so here it finally is! spooky story from my trip to ireland a few years ago. 

it was the tail end of my mother and i's trip to ireland. we had traveled all over the country before finally settling in the small and depressing village of mohill, in a house that had belonged to a distant relative. the house was so remote that it had no street name and no street number. we had to find it by written instructions and a google earth image of the house. we drove up a hairpin turn and down a narrow road ringed with hedges. 
Oct 28
poem 6 comments challenge: CJP-Guns


I wore high heels to school. 
and my mother said to me in the parking lot,
'be careful on the stairs.
and if something goes wrong and you have to flee,
just take off those shoes and run.' 
if something goes wrong,
take off those shoes and run

I said okay and I nodded because I have heard all this before. 
be prepared for the worst. 
if you have to run for your life in school, 
take off those pretty shoes and leave them. 

I should not be expecting to run for my fucking life in school. 
Oct 26
audio 4 comments challenge: Hazel

would anyone like an auditory nightmare?

so i know it's been a while since i posted music on here (the computer i had logic on crashed and it took me forever to reinstall plus i've been super busy) and here i am with something that's... not so much music as a collection of the most hair-raising synth sounds i could find in the sound library? see, i've been experimenting with the kinds of sound and music i'm gonna want for various scenes in hazel's house because that gives some direction to my endeavours and this one goes to the second seance scene, the one with hazel. if you want to get a little shot of adrenaline, or are feeling a little low on horrendous screeching noises then maybe this'll be fun. or terrifying. 

for maximum atrocity, listen through headphones
Oct 15

rabbit's heart four years later

i know this isn't really my usual fare exactly but i need to rant so... i guess that's what this is. i don't even know if it's appropriate to put on youngwritersproject as opposed to like a journal or something because it's not a poem or a work of art but just... i don't know, that's where my head is. 

i want to know what's wrong with me. i know something is, it's not normal to have heart rates at to 150 for up to a week at a time when there's no significant source of stress in your life. it's not normal to go to sleep with your heart racing and wake up with it still racing. extreme head rushes and ice cold hands and feet and legs puffing up when you sit cross legged for too long aren't normal.
Oct 11

making a film: props (part one)

hazel's house is almost fully cast, but for one ghost and a few people who haven't confirmed. costumes for all but a few of the characters have been purchased. shooting locations are starting to become a concern, order of filming is on my mind, and we have met with one of our actors and have a plan ot meet with another already. i've made a few minor changes to the script so it can be shot with the cast we have. so in the meantime there's only one thing to do that i take care of: props.
Sep 28

making a film: costume shopping

so i decided, for some reason, in a moment of creative unfufillment while on vacation this past summer that the best way for me to occupy my eleventh grade year was to write, cast, direct and edit my own horror movie. (i posted the script earlier, you can find the script here if you're interested) the film is called hazel's house, and although we don't start shooting until november and haven't quite finished casting, pre-production and coordinating things has been keeping me very busy and i'd imagine that will continue and i won't be writing much here or on my other projects. so i thought that maybe i would keep track of what's up with the film. how much progress i've made and how it's coming along and all since it's kind of a huge endeavour. 
Sep 22

fiona's character deep dive


This is a template for the questionnaire I use when I’m at a stage of revising a project where I already know my characters and narrative fairly well but need to get to the next level. It shouldn’t be used for developing new characters, because it leaves off a lot of things you’ll need to get to know a new character and should know before starting this. Their voice, their attitude, their past, how they act in different scenarios. 

This questionnaire is designed to help you get a fully formed sense of your character as being more than someone who serves your narrative, as someone who was living a life and was a real and complicated human with goals and hobbies even before the story began, and is a combination of analysis and biography. I use it for screenwriting, but it should work for other forms of fiction as well. 
Sep 21

it's a good night

tonight was not the same as other nights
and i think i like it. 
tonight i finally voiced my questions
about who i was. 
i just up and told my parents
that i don't think i have anxiety, 
that i relate to no parts of the diagnosis
and have thought for a while
that most of the symptoms that have been dismissed as anxiety
could be better explained by a physical cause
and i want to find it. 
i was concrete and i was sure
because i needed to be sure to say this. 
i was worlds more articulate than i thought i would be
and they believed me. 
i described the difference between
when i feel anxious
and when i'm lying awake doing square breathing at three o'clock in the morning and thinking about nothing and feeling my heart beat so hard and fast i think it'll explode out of my ribs
took into account my head rushes, 
low blood-sugar-induced microsleeps
and mood swings
Sep 04
fiction 2 comments challenge: Hazel

hazel's house

this is my horror screenplay! i wrote it with the intention of making something my friends and i could shoot that would be fun and mildly scary, not a transcendent work of art, so i'm aware that the plot isn't perfect, but... yes. this is a thing. enjoy? 
Sep 03

such drama

i am
i'm always confused--
sometimes i feel like my default state
is existential questioning. 
and i don't know if an uptick in existential questioning
warrants a poem, exactly, 
or whether i ought to just leave the floodgates closed.
but there are thoughts in my head
to which i struggle to assign coherence
without the solidity of words.
i have been told,
almost my whole life, 
that i am something. 
that i process the world a certain way.
i have been told since i was six years old
that i have anxiety. 
that my worldview is filtered through fear
that i am fairly intelligent and think a lot, 
and an inevitable if unpleasant addition to that
is worry. 
and i've never been very good at recognizing my emotions
so i believed what people told me. 
after all, i think a lot
and with that thinking comes worrying
and self-questioning 
Aug 29

the attic

i dreamed of the attic again last night. 
it's always the same. i'm lying awake, in the dark, and i can't move. and i know, on some level, that what i'm seeing isn't real but it feels real. and i'm afraid. i want to close my eyes, but somehow i know that it'll be worse if i do. and i always know where to look. 
so as i'm lying there, in the dark, i don't want to look over there. i know what i'll see, and i know that it always ends the same way but i'm still afraid. yet still, my eyes are pulled over towards the attic door and i watch. i don't need to blink. maybe it's because i'm not really awake, maybe my eyes are closed and imagining this or maybe i've briefly, just briefly, fallen into a different world. i don't know. i have no explanation for this. i just watch. 
Aug 14

things i don't know

i ate a peach today. 
the fuzz was rough and prickly
and i hated the feel of it on my lips and tongue. 
the hair on my arms stood on end with every bite
a nervous system in silent protest
but the taste was okay and i needed food
so i ate it. 
later i told my mother how unpleasant it felt to eat that peach and she said,
it's good for you to expand your sensory horizons

and i said nothing
because i didn't know what i was supposed to say. 
like i like to think i do the things i do
and avoid the things i avoid because it honestly helps me
like i know i get dizzy in crowds
and certain textures of food literally trigger my gag reflex 
and i take those seriously because they're physical reactions to things that others don't have physical reactions to
but like
what if i'm just sensitive because i never go in crowds or eat gooey and chalky foods?